Why did Hitler go to the eye doctor?
Because he can Nazi.
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What is a cannibal's favorite food?
Baked Beings.
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Which is the only day you you are safe in a cannibal village?
Sitter days (when they eat the baby-sitter instead)!
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A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean.
The lawyer said "I'm here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."
"That's quite a coincidence", said the engineer, "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?", he asked.
What's the difference between a police officer and a bullet?
When a bullet kills someone else, you know it's been fired.
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What do you call a van with 5 faggots in it?
The AIDS team.
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Awwww, kids. They blow up so fast...
Get it, kids grow up so fast.
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Why did the little girl fall off of her bike?
Because she didn't have any arms.
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Hitler got a heart attack when he saw the gas bill.
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It's a slow day in heaven, so St. Peter decides to show a new guy around.
St. Peter shows him all of the sights: the golf course, library, observation deck, cafeteria and a huge room full of clocks.
"What's up with those clocks, Peter?"
"Everyone on Earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left.
When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the gates to be judged."
The guy notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others.
St. Peter tells him that every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds up his clock.
The guy notices one clock in the center of the ceiling with both hands whirling around at an unbelievable rate.
"What's the story with that clock?"
"Oh, that," St. Peter replies.
That's George W. Bush's clock. We decided to use it as a fan."
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