Joke #5303

Marriage is a workshop, where man works and woman shops.
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has 64.05 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: marriage

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The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"
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has 53.69 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: communication, divorce, marriage, wife
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.  The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
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has 85.84 % from 2062 votes. More jokes about: death, husband, lawyer, marriage, prison
When you try to change a man, you basically undertake his mother’s role; And she made him eat spinach and study for school...
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has 46.22 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: marriage, school
Husband: "Shall we try a different position tonight?" Wife: "That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."
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has 56.55 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: communication, fart, marriage, mean, sex
Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism.
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has 37.92 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: marriage, men
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted excitedly, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said, "Just get out."
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has 69.41 % from 720 votes. More jokes about: car, god, marriage, money, women
When a married man says "I'll think about it", what he really means is that he doesn't know his wife's opinion yet.
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has 82.81 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: life, marriage, wife
A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
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has 85.79 % from 2927 votes. More jokes about: couple, husband, marriage, wife, work
Q: What are the three rings of marriage? A: The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering.
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has 61.48 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: marriage, wedding
Q: How do you get your wife to scream and groan when you're having sex? A: Let her catch you doing it.
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has 56.78 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: marriage