Joke #2161

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
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has 85.62 % from 591 votes. More jokes about: marriage

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The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?" "There is," he replied. "Breakfast."
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has 54.31 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: marriage
My wife just nudged me and said, "you weren't even listening, were you?". I thought, 'that's a strange way to start a conversation'.
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has 85.08 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean
A married couple go to a restaurant. A blonde waitress takes their order and returns several minutes later, carrying a plate with only a plain hamburger bun on it. The man asks, "Where's the burger?" The waitress lifts her arm and pulls out a burger from her armpit. "I was keeping it warm," she replies. The wife says, "Please cancel my hot dog order."
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has 61.59 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: blonde, disgusting, dog, food, marriage
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Marriage is an institution. Therefore: marriage is an institution for the blind.
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has 39.50 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: marriage
I was married to a Gemini she caught me cheating on her with herself.
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: marriage, sex
A husband and wife sleep in separate twin beds. One night he asks his wife to come over to his bed to fool around. As the wife gets up to walk over to his bed, she trips over the carpet and falls flat on her face. The husband looks up concerned and says, "Oh did my little wifey fall on her little nosey wosey?" She laughs and gets in his bed. When they are done, she gets up to go back to her bed and falls over the rug again. Her husband looks over his shoulder to see her on the floor, rolls over and says, "Clumsy bitch."
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has 49.74 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife
Always talk to your wife when you’re making love – assuming there’s a phone handy.
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If you want to drive your wife crazy don’t talk in your sleep, just smile.
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has 62.37 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: marriage
There is a man who goes out drinking all the time and comes home very later every night. So one night his wife decides to teach him a lesson. She dresses up like Satan, and decides to hide in the dark, and scare him when he gets home. The man comes home, and his wife jumps out and screams in his face. He just looks at her and says, ”You don’t scare me I am married to your sister!”’
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has 63.07 % from 294 votes. More jokes about: drunk, marriage, wife
Q: Why did the married man sell his complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica? A: He didn't need them any longer his damn wife knows everything.
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has 48.13 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: marriage, wife