Joke #5306

A wife to her husband: "Honey, what are you doing?" "I'm reading our marriage certificate." "What for?" "I'm looking for the expiry date..."
Vote:
has 70.40 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: marriage

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A woman applies for a job in a lemon grove. ‘Have you got any experience picking lemons?’ asks the foreman. ‘I certainly have,’ says the woman. ‘I’ve been married four times.’
Vote:
has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A husband and wife are eating soup. The wife spills soup all over her and says: "Oh no, I look like a pig" "Yes and you also have soup all over you!"
Vote:
has 50.97 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, husband, marriage, wife
Tom was a model husband. Mind you, he wasn’t a working model.
Vote:
has 31.97 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: marriage
I asked my wife why did she marry me. Wife: "Because you are funny." Me: "I thought it was beacause I was good in bed?" Wife: "You see? You're hilarious."
Vote:
has 84.46 % from 180 votes. More jokes about: marriage, sex, wife
One morning when I was going out of the house I met my neighbor's daughter who was pregnant. When I returned home I saw her father closing the door. I told him: "Your daughter hasn't married yet I wonder how it is possible a girl without any husband be pregnant? For a moment her father with a bitter smile said: "She isn't pregnant; it is all wind in her belly. She farts and would recovery." Next year perchance I saw the same girl with a baby in her arms. Next day when I was going out facing her father so I told him: "I saw your daughter with her fart in her arms."
Vote:
has 83.79 % from 1657 votes. More jokes about: baby, communication, fart, marriage, time
The husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet the wife stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came back to his senses, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now. ....I think you bring me bad luck!"
Vote:
has 57.10 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: business, health, husband, marriage, wife
A husband, who has six children, begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this. "Mother of six," he would say, "what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer!" She gets very frustrated. Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, "Mother of six, I think it's time to go!" The wife immediately shouts back, "I'll be right with you, father of four!"
Vote:
has 60.11 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: kids, marriage, mean, party
Q: What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket? A: Married.
Vote:
has 46.60 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: beauty, blonde, marriage
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
Vote:
has 85.71 % from 633 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip. The wife answers: "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?" The husband laughs and says: "An English girl!" The woman kept quiet and left. Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?" "Very good, thank you," replies the wife. "And, what happened to my present?" "Which present?" "I asked for, the English girl?" "Oh, that! Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if its a girl!"
Vote:
has 65.24 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, travel, wife