Joke #5307

Man: "What you have prepared to eat today?" Wife: "Nothing." Man: "But you did nothing yesterday." Wife : "I made it for two days."
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has 60.85 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: marriage

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"Will you marry me?" Is a marriage proposal. "Will, You, Mary, Me" is a foursome proposal.
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has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: marriage, sex, wedding
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s teacher."
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has 85.49 % from 1737 votes. More jokes about: dad, god, kids, marriage, wife
On the way home from a hunt, a hunter stops by the grocery store. "Give me a couple of steaks," he says. "We're out of steaks but we have hot dogs and chicken," says the butcher. "Hotdogs and chicken?!" yells the hunter. "How can I tell my wife I bagged a couple of hotdogs and chickens?"
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has 68.56 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, hunting, marriage, mean
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your trouble to bed with you." "I know," said the man, "but I can’t. My wife refuses to sleep alone."
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has 52.81 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, marriage, wife
There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years." "Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."
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has 85.11 % from 227 votes. More jokes about: age, marriage, old people, wife
The best way to get your husband to do something is to suggest he’s too old to do it.
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has 85.86 % from 391 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A redneck boy runs into his house and proclaims, "I've found the girl that I'm gonna marry! And she's a virgin!" Incensed, his father pounds his fist on the table. "There's no way you'll marry that girl! If she aint' good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for ours."
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has 71.80 % from 137 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, family, marriage, redneck
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple in their bedroom. The husband turned to his wife and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen action in years. If he wants sex, I think it's best to just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it." "I'm so relieved you feel that way," replies his wife, "because he told me he thinks you're really cute."
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has 67.91 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: couple, husband, marriage, sex
Husband to wife: ‘You have a flat chest and hairy legs. Tell me, have you ever been mistaken for a man?’ ‘No,’ replies his wife. ‘Have you?’
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has 37.92 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
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has 51.08 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: anniversary, husband, marriage, wife