Man: "What you have prepared to eat today?"
Wife: "Nothing."
Man: "But you did nothing yesterday."
Wife : "I made it for two days."
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
The wife told me to talk to her like she was special the other day.
So I said, "gooooo ... annddd ... makkee ... meeee ... a ... cuuuppp ... offffff ... coofffeeeeeee ..."
A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower.
He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom.
When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride where she sees all of him well. Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped and stared, and she asked shyly, "What's that?", pointing to a small part of his anatomy.
He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, "Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night."
She, in amazement, asked, "Is that all we have left?"
Once upon a time, in a far away land, a beautiful independent, confident princess met a frog, while sitting and considering the environmental issues of the world, at the side of an infected lake, in a very green meadow, near her castle.
The frog jumped on princess’ knees and said: "My sweet lady, once I was a handsome prince, until an evil witch cursed me.
I f you kiss me, however, I will become again that graceful prince I once was.
Then, my sweety, we will get married and we will live in your castle, and you will cook for me, you will wash my clothes, and you will give birth to my childre and you will feel so happy and graceful for being able to do all these things forever!"
That night, the princess enjoying her nice cooked frog legs, she chuckled inside and thought: "...and then he woke up."
“A happy marriage is nothing but a give and take relationship; the husband gives and the wife takes.”
Vote:
My best friend ran away with my wife.
It's only been three days and I really miss him.
"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man.
"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend.
"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."
The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, and bright as a new penny.
When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help.
One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc.
"Now do you understand?" he asked.
"I think so," she said.
"That was when mommy came to work for us?"
A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives.
In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."
Happy Father's Day to someome who's been completely replaced in his marriage by Fifty Shades of Grey.
Vote: