Boss comes up to an employee:
"Yesterday you did a great job - in one day you managed to do as much work, as you did in previous month!"
"Thanks boss, that's because Facebook was shut down for the whole day."
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Chuck Norris can block Mark Zuckerberg's Facebook account.
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It seemed that the son of a Spanish lawyer graduated from college and was considering the future.
He went to his father, who had a very large office, and asked if he might be given a desk in the corner where he could observe his father's activities.
He could be introduced to his father's clients as a clerk.
This way, he could decide on whether or not to become a lawyer.
His father thought this to be a splendid idea, and this arrangement was set up immediately.
On his son's first day at work, the first client in the morning was a rough-hewn man with calloused hands, in workman's attire, who began the conversation as follows: "Mr. Lawyer, I work for some people named Gonzales who have a ranch on the east side of town.
For many years I have tended their crops and animals, including some cows.
I have raised, the cows, tended them, fed them, and it has always been my understanding and belief that I was the owner of the cows.
Mr. Gonzales died and his son has inherited the farm, and he believes that since the cows were raised on his ranch and fed on his hay, the cows are his.
In short, we have a dispute as to the ownership of the cows." The lawyer said, "I have heard enough.
I will take your case.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE COWS!" After the tenant farmer left, the next client came in.
A young, well-dressed man, clearly a member of the landed class.
"My name is Gonzales.
I own a farm on the east side of the town," he said.
"For many years, a tenant farmer has worked for my family tending the crops and animals, including some cows.
The cows have been raised on my land and fed on my hay, and I believe that they belong to me, but the tenant farmer believes that since he raised them and cared for them, they are his.
In short, we have a dispute over ownership of the cows."
"I heard enough. I'll take your case.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE COWS!"
After the client left, the son came over to his father with a look of concern.
"My father, I know nothing of the law, but it seems to me that we have a serious problem regarding these cows."
"DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE COWS!" said the lawyer. "The cows will be ours!"
I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it.
And it will say Nobody Likes This.
Q: What is the difference between a rooster and a whore?
A: The rooster goes cock doodle do and the whore goes any cock do!
Q: Why didn't the dentist ask his secretary out?
A: He was already taking out a tooth.
Some people should consider having multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.
Google+ is the gym of social networking.
We all join, but nobody actually uses it.
The was a man named George who got a new job.
His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday.
They asked George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning.
George replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be 10 minutes late.
On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00.
He golfed right handed and won the round.
Next Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be there, but he may be 10 minutes late again.
He shows up right on time, golfs left handed, and wins the round.
This continues for the next few weeks, with Geoge always saying that he may be 10 minutes late, and then always winning the round golfing, either left or right handed.
The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was.
They said, ''George, every Saturday you say you may be ten minutes late. You never are.
Then you show up and golf with either right handed or left handed, and always win.
What is up with that?''
George replies, ''Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy.
Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my wife.
If she is sleeping on her left side, I golf left handed.
If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right handed.''
''Well,'' one of the employees questioned, ''What happens if she is laying on her back?'' George replies, ''Then I am 10 minutes late.''
Chuck Norris has a Roundhouse Kick button on his Facebook page, and when he deletes a friend they actually die.
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