Joke #532

Boss comes up to an employee: "Yesterday you did a great job - in one day you managed to do as much work, as you did in previous month!" "Thanks boss, that's because Facebook was shut down for the whole day."

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar movie collection except for one. he's never gonna give you Up

Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job? A: After 10 years the job still sucks.

Facebook wants to add Chuck Norris as a Friend.

Q: How many Accountants does it take to change a light bulb? A: What sort of answer did you have in mind? A: None - just assume it's changed.

Why was the horseman fired from his job of saddle testing? He was always standing up on the job!

When they get you, they have their own little signature, like Gucci or something like that. When you walk down the street, girls will walk by, and they'll say, "Oh, that's Gladys' work, ain't it?"

I wonder what Facebook employees do to waste their time at work?

Received a call from a recruitment lady. She said to me: "Sir I have two openings for you." Me: "Yes I Know." *Awkward silence* She: "Asshole" Me: "I prefer the other one."

Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.

So it's the weekend, and I'm on my back patio when I get this idea to call up my coroner friend Bob. "Bob's not here," his wife says, "he's at work." "Sheesh!" I think. "Poor guy doing autopsies on a Sunday." So I call him on his cell. "What gives, bro,?" I ask. "Homicide," he says. "The higher-ups need a report ASAP. I'll be starting in just a few minutes." I Josh Bob a little. "I'll be thinking of you, buddy. Right now, I'm basting barbecue sauce on a rack of baby-backs and I'm getting ready to open a frosty beer." "Not much different here," he says. "I'm about ready to crack open a cold one myself."