Boss comes up to an employee:
"Yesterday you did a great job - in one day you managed to do as much work, as you did in previous month!"
"Thanks boss, that's because Facebook was shut down for the whole day."
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Facebook is like a fridge.
Even when u know there's nothing new going on, u still go on & check it every 10 minute.
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years.
After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words.
"Cold floors," he says.
They nod and send him away.
Seven more years pass.
They bring him back in and ask for his two words.
He clears his throats and says, "Bad food."
They nod and send him away.
Seven more years pass.
They bring him in for his two words.
"I quit," he says.
"That's not surprising," the elders say.
"You've done nothing but complain since you got here."
I remember my guidance counselor.
The guy studied for years for his job, and deepest thing he ever said to me was, "You have your whole life ahead of you."
If you poke Chuck Norris on facebook he will kick you.
On facebook!
Vote:
Two men were talking about their wives.
First: "I'm a teacher whenever we are in bed my wife says repeat please."
Second: "I'm a driver when we are sexing she thinks I'm in a gas station so she screws my dick and says: 'fill it up super!'"
I'm going to change my Facebook name to Benefits.
Now, when someone adds me on Facebook, it will say: you are now friends with Benefits.
Vote:
Yo momma's so old her first job was as Cain and Abel' babysitter.
Google+ is the gym of social networking.
We all join, but nobody actually uses it.
Some people should consider having multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.