A man says to his wife, "Get ready you, me & the dog are going fishing."
Wife says, "I dont want to go."
Man gives her 3 choices, fishing, blow job or take it up the a*se.
Wife pick blow job.
After she sucking for a while she says, "It tastes like sh*t.
Man says, "I know, dog didnt want to go fishing either."
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
Mom was very upset when she found a bondage S&M magazine in her son's room.
She showed it to her husband when he got home.
He handed it back to her without a word.
She asked him, "Well, what do we do about this?"
"Well, whatever you do, don't spank him."
Vote:
Q: Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted?
A1: Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather.
A2: Perverted is when you use the whole chicken...
Vote:
After 20 years of marriage, a wife finds out that her husband had been f*cking her for the past 20 years with a dildo!
she is so angry she asks her husband to "Explain the dildo".
The husband replies "explain the kids?!"
Peter approaches the gates of Heaven.
"Knock knock," says Peter.
Miraculously, someone answers him.
"Who's there," a voice in the distance asked.
"God," says Peter.
"God who," asked the voice?
"GOD DAMMIT open these gates!
I've been a good neighbor, loved my wife and lost my virginity, twice!"
Vote:
A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long.
The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here.
It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."
The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator.
I'll prove it to you."
He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar.
Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth.
The alligator just keeps his mouth open.
After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"
The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"
Why did the semen cross the road?
Because I wore the wrong sock today.
Vote:
Q: What's long and hard and has cum in it?
A: Cucumber, dirty people.
A boss has to fire one of 2 workers, Jack and Jill.
However, Both Jack and Jill are skilled workers and he is finding it really, really difficult to pick.
So after their shifts, Jack goes home before Jill does, and the boss goes over to Jill just before she gets into her car.
He informs her of his dilemma.
"Hey Jill, I have a problem."
"Ok Boss, what is it?" she asks
"I Can't decide whether to lay you or Jack off, what would you suggest?"
"Well, you'd better get the vasoline, i'm going home!"
Vote:
In school, we had to do a skit demonstrating key concepts of the English language.
My skit on the "diphthong" clearly demonstrated that the string micro-bikini was not a wise choice.
Vote: