A guy rings his boss and says "I can't come to work today"
The boss asks why and the guy says "it's my eyes."
"What's wrong with your eyes?" asks the boss.
"I just can't see myself coming to work, so I'm going fishing instead..."
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In India, cows wait until Chuck Norris crosses the street.
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Chuck Norris likes his meat rare, so he eats unicorns.
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A blonde is driving down the road and she sees a dead rabbit.
She stops the car and called out, "Does anybody got any hairspray!?"
A man pulls up and gives her a bottle of spray and she sprays it on the dead rabbit and the man stares and says "Why u doing that?"
The blonde says "Hairspray is for dead hairs"
Does a dolphin ever do something by accident?
No, they do everything on porpoise.
What’s a black spot between two white spots?
A fly with cotton wool in her ears!
Q: Which American duo became famous for stealing horses?
A: Bonnie and Clydesdale.
Did you hear about the pub owner who raised a baby rabbit?
It was an inn-grown hare.
Although cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.
You know Chuck Norris' pet lizard, right?
Last I heard, he was in the movie "Godzilla".
Oh, and his pet turtle starred in "Gamera" as well.
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