"Yes, ma'am," the old salt confided to the inquisitive lady, "I fell over the side of the ship, and a shark he come along and grabbed me by the leg." "Merciful providence!" his hearer gasped. "And what did you do?" "Let 'im 'ave the leg, o' course, ma'am. I never argues with sharks."
Chuck Norris scares cows so bad, milk comes out their nose.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says: "Dam"
How are black people and wolves similar? They both fight in packs.
What's a moo hoo for a stuffed steer? A full bull.
What’s the difference between goats and women?? Goats are always horney.
Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother? For smoking in bed.
Did you hear about the aristocratic horse? He was the last of his race!
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
Why did the moron give the sleepy cow a hammer? He wanted her to hit the hay!
At the pet shop, a man spots a parrot without any feet. The man leans in, "Hey buddy, how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?" "I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a hook." "Wow," says the guy. "I can't believe you're so smart! I'm taking you home." Weeks go by, and the parrot not only understands everything the man says, but he gives good advice. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Hey, I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the mailman." "What happened?" asks the guy. "Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your wife greeted him in a sheer nightgown and kissed him on the mouth." "What happened then?" asks the guy. "Then, the mailman came into the house and lifted up your wife's nightgown," reports the parrot. "Oh no!" the guy says. "Then what?" "I don't know," says the parrot. "I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."