"Yes, ma'am," the old salt confided to the inquisitive lady, "I fell over the side of the ship, and a shark he come along and grabbed me by the leg."
"Merciful providence!" his hearer gasped. "And what did you do?"
"Let 'im 'ave the leg, o' course, ma'am. I never argues with sharks."
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How did that bullfight come out?
Oh, it was a toss-up.
Why do police dogs lick their balls?
To get the taste of Nigger out their mouths.
What kind of money do polar bears use?
Ice lolly.
Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch.
One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?"
The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"
What did the rabbit bride get on her wedding day?
A forty-carrot wedding ring.
Q: Why does a squirrle swim on its back?
A: To keep its nuts dry
A dog goes to a telegraph office and dictates a message.
‘Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.’
The operator reads it back then says, ‘Y’ know, we charge per ten words.
You could have an extra ‘woof’ for free.’
‘No thanks,’ says the dog.
Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station?
Because it's a mane-lion station.
A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails.
When the police show up, they ask him what happened.
The shaken turtle replies, "I don't know. It all happened so fast."