The art teacher instructed her students to do a self portrait.
When Andrew handed his picture in, the teacher took one look at it and said, "But, Andrew,this isn’t you."
"That’s right," replied Andrew.
"It’s a self portrait of someone else."
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Mary can't stand Sunday school, but her brother William doesn't have a problem with it.
So one day in Sunday school, Mary thinks, "The hell with it," and decides to go to sleep.
The teacher sees this and asks Mary a question to keep her awake.
"Mary, who created the heavens and the earth?"
William, who is sitting behind Mary, pokes her in the butt with his pencil. Mary wakes up and shouts, "God almighty!"
And the teacher says, "Yes. That's correct, Mary."
Mary goes back to sleep and the teacher asks her another question.
"Who died on the cross for our sins?"
William pokes Mary again. She wakes up and shouts, "Jesus Christ!"
Once again, she goes back to sleep.
This time the teacher asks, "Mary, what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"
William pokes her again.
Mary wakes up and shouts, "If you don't stop poking me with that thing, I'm gonna break it off!"
I got in trouble for telling a joke in 5th grade.
Now I have to keep 250 feet away from all schools...
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Chuck Norris got a perfect SAT score by just putting his name on the paper...
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I don’t want to go to school,” said a son to his father.
“Why not,” asked the father.
“I don’t feel well.”
“Where don’t you feel well,” the father asked.
“At school!”
If you majored in fine arts or philosophy, you have good reason to be worried.
The only place you are now really qualified to get a job is in Ancient Greece.
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What does a graduate student with a science degree ask?
"Why does it work?"
What does a graduate student with an engineering degree ask?
"How does it work?"
What does a graduate student with an accounting degree ask?
"How much will it cost?"
What does a graduate student with a liberal arts degree ask?
"Do you want fries with that?"
After twelve years of carrying books to school, you're well prepared for a career in backpacking.
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A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17."
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands.
He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17.
Every hand went up.
The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
Jordan: My teacher says I have to write more clearly.
Mom: That’s a good idea, Jordan.
Jordan: No, it’s not. Then she’ll know I can’t spell.