Q: How do mathematicians induce good behavior in their children?
A: "If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times..."
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"If you had a dollar," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?"
"One dollar." answered little Johnny.
"You don't know your basic math." said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed.
Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my daddy."
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A little boy was attending his first wedding.
After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.
"How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said.
"All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"
Infinity mathematicians came to bar.
First one ordered 1 glass of beer, second a half, third a quarter...
The barman interrupted them: "Assholes, here are 2 beers!"
What did one math book say to the other math book?
"I don't know about you man, but I got a lot of problems!"
One day, Little Johnny was with his father at home.
He asked: "What does "evolution" mean?"
His father replied, "Figure it out."
Next day, at school, during a math test, a boy raised his hand: "What's 289+308?"
The teacher said: "Figure it out."
Ten minutes later, Little Johnny looked at the boy and said: "Why don't you write "evolution"? Your teacher already told you!"
First Caribou: What kind of math do owls like?
Second Caribou: Owlgebra.
What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass?
Beer.
Life is like a definite integral.
Integral from birthday to death ( LOVE ) dx = LIFE
Q: What's a polygon?
A: A dead parrot.