Joke #5498

Husband always insisted on making love in the dark. After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator. She goes balistic, "You impotent bas*ard! How could you lie to me all these years?" Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids....."
Vote: has 84.97 % from 902 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm. He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been f*cking'." His wife says, "That's a duck." He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."...
Vote: has 84.02 % from 626 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, duck, wife
Q: What did the hard boiled egg say to the boiling water? A: I can't get a hard-on because I was just layed.
Vote: has 30.74 % from 48 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, food
A priest is walking through town at his new parish when a hooker approaches him. "Blowjobs for $20 if you're interested". Confused by this he smiles, blesses her and goes back to the church. He sees one of the nuns and asks her, "Sister, what's a blowjob?" She replies, "$20. Same as in town".
Vote: has 79.34 % from 134 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty
Q: What do you call a lesbian with a big tongue? A: Well hung.
Vote: has 63.58 % from 86 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, lesbian
What does a white chick and a tampon have in common? They're both stuck up cunts !
Vote: has 29.17 % from 80 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty
Little Johnny was at school one day, when he noticed that there was a large crowd of kids gathered around Little Billy. Little Johnny walks up to Little Billy and says "Hey what's all the excitement about", Little Billy says "Just showing everyone my new watch". Little Johnny goes "Wow, that's a cool watch where did you get it?" Little Billy says "Well, I walked in on my mom and dad having sex over the weekend, and my dad was so mad he gave me spanking and sent me to my room". The next day, he feel guilty about what he had done and went and bought me this cool Watch. This gives Little Johnny a good idea. Later that night, when Little Johnny was sent to bed, he stayed up listening and waiting for his mom and dad to go to bed. Once he starts hearing noises coming from their room he runs down the hall, throws their bedroom door open, and yells "I want a watch!" His dad looks over to Johnny and says "Well okay, but sit in the corner and be quiet!"
Vote: has 75.20 % from 143 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, kids, little Johnny, school, sex
A lecturer who was drunk walked in a class. Ater few minutes he wanted to urinate, he ran out and open a zip slowly, so that he may urinate. After urinating, that's when he realized that the zip he opened was for a jacket.
Vote: has 54.26 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, drunk, school, stupid, time
A couple took their young son for his first visit to the circus. When his father left to buy popcorn, the boy asked, "Mom, what's that long thing on the elephant?" "That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied. "No, Mom, down underneath." His mother blushed and said, "Oh, that's nothing." The father returned, and the mother went off to get a soda. As soon as she left, the boy repeated his question. The father took a good look and explained, "That's the elephant's penis." "Dad, how come when I asked Mom, she said it was nothing?" The man took a deep breath and replied, "Son, I've spoiled that woman."
Vote: has 82.59 % from 252 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty
Did you hear about the theft at the Viagra factory? The police are looking for some hardened criminals!
Vote: has 70.45 % from 48 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: cop, dirty, viagra
Can I read your t-shirt in braille?
Vote: has 70.40 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, flirt