Q: What do you call a one-man quickie?
A: A yankee.
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Patient: "I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here?"
Doctor: "You’ve had an accident involving a bus."
Patient: "What happened?"
Doctor: "Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?"
Patient: "Give me the bad news first."
Doctor: "Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them."
Patient: "That’s terrible! What’s the good news?"
Doctor: "There’s a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers."
Baby, if you were an iPhone 6, I would tap you all day!
Q: What did dick say to rubber?
A: "Cover me I'm going in."
Vote:
A cow and a horse were galloping around a curve opposite to.
They landed in each other.
Who was wrong?
The cow, it didn't blow its horn.
There was a boy watching tv with his parents.
A sex scene comes on.
The boy asks what the people are doing.
The mom said "they were just making a cake."
The boy goes"oh yea, I saw u and daddy making a cake yesterday and I Licked up all the icing."
Q: Why all men say "Ladies first"?
A: They want to watch their asses.
Q: Why are black peoples nostrils so big?
A: Because that's what God held them by when he was painting them.
A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this...
Looking for man with these qualifications:
- won't beat me up
- won't run away from
- is great in bed.
She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day.
The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."
So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"
Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"
The game of choice for unemployed people or maintenance level workers is basketball.
The game of choice for frontline workers is football.
The game of choice for middle management is tennis.
The game of choice for CEOs and executives is golf.
Conclusion: The higher up on the corporate ladder you are, the smaller your balls are.
Vote:
A Male patient just recovered successfully from a sex threatening health attack.
He was wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and laying on hospital bed.
An young nurse came to cleanse his body with sponge.
The patient mumbled, “Are my testicles black?”
Nurse replied, “I don’t know Sir, I am just setting you clean”
The patient repeated again, “Are my testicles black?”
Nurse was quite embarrassed to answer the question and said “Sir everything should be OK”
The patient just kept on asking again and again, “Are my testicles black?”
Nurse could not bear a patient concerned so much.
So she raised his gown, moved her hand to find and grab his penis and testicle, moved it all around, checked very closely and suddenly man ejaculated on nurse’s hand.
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, embarrassed at the fiasco says loudly enough, “Ma’am, Thanks but I still need to know 'Are my tests results back?’”