Q: What do you call a one-man quickie?
A: A yankee.
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How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don't like each other.
One day, they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each.
Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet.
Mr. Bear's second wish is that all the bears in the neighboring forests were female as well. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a motorcycle.
Mr. Bear's final wish is that all the other bears in the world were female, leaving him the only male bear in the world.
Mr. Rabbit revs the engine of his motorcycle and says, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rides off.
If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?
What said Adam to Eva at they’re first rendezvous?
Get back!
I have no idea how big it grows!
Lady, how many sex partners have you had?
Three.. oh no, wait... nine - I have forgotten one case.
My 1st time having sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move.
She: "What are you doing?"
Me: "I've seen this on YouPorn, it's called Buffering.
Two condoms walk into a gay bar, look at each other and say "let's get shit-faced!"
A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town.
They were about to have sex when the girl stopped.
“I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.”
The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window.
“Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl.
“Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…”
Q: Why don't witches wear panties when flying on their broomsticks?
A: Better traction.
My wife found a porn magazine in our son's room the other day.
She showed it to me, and it was BDSM.
She asked me "What we should do?"
Me: "Probably not spank him."
She belted me with the magazine.
Now I know where he gets it from.
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