Q: What do you call a one-man quickie?
A: A yankee.
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
What is 6 inches long, hard, goes into your mouth back and fourth, and has white stuff at the end.
A toothbrush with toothpaste
Q: If a horses foot covers 2 acres of land, what will his tail cover?
A: His ass!
What has a slice of burnt toast and a pregnant girlfriend got in common?
In both cases you wish you took it out a few seconds earlier.
Q: What's the difference between a whore and a bitch?
A: A whore fucks everybody and a bitch fucks everybody but you.
A drunk guy is sitting at a bar by himself one night and throws up all over the front of his shirt.
"Oh great, my wife is going to kill me," he mumbles to himself.
The guy sitting next to him sees what has happened and leans over towards him, "Hey buddy, just put a twenty dollar bill in your shirt pocket and when you get home tell your wife the guy sitting next to you threw up on you and he gave you $20 to get your shirt cleaned."
Completely inebriated the drunk man thanks his new friend and puts a twenty in his shirt pocket and heads for home.
As soon as he walks through the front door his wife becomes irate and starts yelling at him, "Where have you been? you're completely drunk and you're a mess. Look at yourself, you puked all over the front of your shirt."
Completely wasted and slurring his words he explains to the wife, "No no, the guy sitting next to me threw up on my shirt and he gave me $20 to get it cleaned. Look, it's right here in my shirt pocket."
The wife reaches into his pocket and pulls out the money, "There's $40 in here."
"Oh yeah, he shit in my pants too."
Vote:
An ugly bloke walks into a pub with a huge grin on his face.
"What are you so happy about ?" asks the landlord.
"Well, I live by the railway and on my way home last night I noticed a woman tied to the tracks. I cut her free and we shagged all night !"
"Did you get a blow job ?" asks the landlord.
"No ..." he says, "I never found the head."
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, "I guess we answered that question!"
Q: When does a cub become a boy scout?
A: When he eats his first Brownie.
Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Laura?