Q: What do you call a one-man quickie?
A: A yankee.
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My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!"
The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me.
So I put my hand around my kid and told him "Well son, that's because daddy isn't aroused by men."
Q: Why was the dirty old man fired from the poultry shop?
A: He couldn't keep his hands off the breasts and thighs.
Q: What did dick say to rubber?
A: "Cover me I'm going in."
Vote:
Q: What do gay guys have in common with bungee jumpers?
A: If the rubber breaks, they're in deep shit!
What is difference between woman and condom?
None :-)
Both of them spend more time in your wallet...than on your d*ck !
Q: What do a penis and a Rubik's Cubes have in common?
A: The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
Vote:
I stopped a girl in the street last night and handed her a rape alarm and some pepper spray.
She looked confused and said, "What are these for?"
I started unbuttoning my jeans and replied, "I like a challenge."
Q: Why is it jewish men won't go down on a woman?
A: Too close to the gas chamber.
Lesbians can also take Viagra.
They don't have to swallow it, they just let it melt in their tongues.
This guy goes into a Sperm Bank with a gun and a ski mask and yells at the receptionist to open the safe. She's confused, thinking this is the world's dumbest criminal.
"Sir, this is a sperm bank, we don't have money in here! That safe is full of donated sperm samples!"
The robber screams for her to open it. At this point, she's confused. Maybe he's just a guy who thought better of becoming an anonymous donor and wants his sample back. She opens the safe like he commanded.
The robber yells: "Now bring over that tray!" The woman does as he asks and brings the tray of sperm samples to the counter. As soon as the tray hits the counter, the menacing criminal makes further demands: "Now open that container and drink it!"
The woman's gag reflex triggers. She barely manages to stammer out "that's disgusting! I won't do it!" Angered the man in the ski mask cocks the hammer on his pistol and repeats his command to drink one of the samples. The woman complies, he tells her to drink another, and another until the entire tray is gone. Once the last cup is finished the man pulls off his ski mask and goes:
"See honey, it's not that fucking hard."