"Hey what's up?"
"Nothing much.. converting Oxygen into Carbon dioxide."
"How the hell do you do that?!"
"Breathing... Dude."
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Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office.
"Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"
‘I’ve found the secret of eternal youth.
I lie about my age.’
Bob Hope How many boring people does it take to change a light bulb?
One.
What Liberals & Conservatives Generally Do In Certain Situations
If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't` eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.
If a liberal sees a foreign threat, he wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good.
If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".
In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth...
After that, everything else was Made in China.
Do you know the joke of "no me neither"?
No.
Me neither.
Doctor (to a patient): "You must take four tea-spoonfuls of this medicine before every meal."
Patient: "Doctor, we’ve only 3 spoons at home."
An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas. Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!"
The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week."
The next week the old lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my silent farts stink like the dickens."
The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
Yo mama so stupid that when I was drowning I yelled out to her that I needed a life saver and she said "Cherry or grape?"
Things our family enjoys together without anyone complaining:
1.