Life is all about mind and matter - I don't mind and You don't matter...
Customer: "Waiter, do you serve crabs?" Waiter: "Please sit down sir, we serve everyone."
What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist.
Kanye West compared himself to Michelangelo, Picasso, Walt Disney and Steve Jobs. Apparently none of them could sing, either.
A reporter heard Bush and one of his underlings talking in the hallway: "Mr President, how do we know for sure Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?" Pres says "You think we’re stupid boy?" "We made copies of all the receipts!"
In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth... After that, everything else was Made in China.
The goal of life is living in agreement with Chuck Norris.
What is height of Activelaziness? Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
I used to play tennis, baseball, basketball and chess, but I stopped after my son broke my playstation.
"What is love, at last?" asks the dentist. And the cardiologist: "Love is a toothache.. but inside the heart!"
What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common? They both like a tight seal.