Life is all about mind and matter - I don't mind and You don't matter...
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If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they're 70% water.
Are you scared of water?
Well you should be.
400,000 people drown per year.
Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake.
"I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says.
He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby.
"I can’t leave," the doctor says.
But here’s what to do.
Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."
The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony.
‘What did the doctor say?" the victim asks.
"He says you’re gonna die."
Why does Rick Ross rap about cars when he cant fit in them.
If kim kardashian was a donut wat kind would she be?
Chocolate filled.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
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Q: How is a boss better than a wife?
A: A boss at least pays you for making your life miserable.
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Customer: "Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea up?"
Waiter: "I wouldn’t know sir, I’m a waiter, not a fortune teller."
Where do homeless accountants live?
In a tax shelter.
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Q: What bounces and makes kids cry?
A: My donation cheque to Children in Need.