Life is all about mind and matter - I don't mind and You don't matter...
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Kanye: She do.
Q: Why is Santa always so jolly?
A: He knows where all the naughty girls live.
If one drop of semen contains more life than a drop of blood, why don't vampires suck cock?
Oh wait... Twilight
What do you call a Labrador that becomes a magician?
A Labracadabrador!
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.
Vote:
What are the three rules for being a plumber?
1. Hot water is always on the left.
2. Shit doesn't flow uphill
3. Never chew your fingernails.
Mexicans cross the border 1...2...and 4 at one time, never 3. why?
Because the sign says - no tres passing.
A guy dies and is sent to hell.
Extremely frightened because of that, he is very surprised when he arrives; beach, palm trees, sun is shining, happy people around in shorts and bikinis.
Behind the next corner there are people eating great food and there's some cool music playing.
After some time of wondering, a man in an expensive suit approaches him and says: "Hi, you must be the new one. Welcome to hell, I'm the devil. As you're gonna spend eternity here, make yourself comfortable and have a drink. If anything bothers you, always feel free to ask me."
The guy still doesn't really understand what's going on, this is not what he expected.
But finally he decides to inspect the area.
Everywhere he goes, there are people laughing and having a great time, there's games, party and fun all around.
Then he arrives at a steep cliff that divides the paradise hell from an area underneath, and there is hell as we know it: demons torturing the doomed, there's fire and the smell of brimstone.
Shocked, he runs to the devil and says "Devil, how can that be? Here, we have the sweet eternity and down there people are tortured and burned! How can that be?!"
The devil laughs and says "Oh, that. That's the Catholics - they want it that way."