Joke #9325

Life is all about mind and matter - I don't mind and You don't matter...
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has 66.10 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: life

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A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in. One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left. As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?" "He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."
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has 78.06 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: food, life
Man: When I bend my arm like this it hurts? Doctor: Well, stop doing it!
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has 51.34 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life
Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.
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has 82.68 % from 181 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, life, sex, work
Sometimes, during the movie previews, I'll turn to the stranger sitting next to me and whisper, "We should really go see that together."
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has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: life
What did the egg say to the boiling water? "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."
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has 73.89 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: food, life, time
A Pontiac takes examinations for the driver’s licence for the fourth year in a row. The examiner asks him "So, you’re running on the street. You have a mountain on your right and there’s a cliff on your left. There are two women in your way; the one young and the other an old woman. Which one are you going to hit?" "Of course the old woman!" The examinet frustrated "I told you last year! You hit the brakes!"
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: age, car, life, old people, women
I may look calm, but in my mind I have killed you three times already.
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has 66.64 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: life
A blonde goes horseback riding for the first time in her life, she's never had any prior lessons or training. As soon as her bottom hits the saddle, the horse gallops away. Immediately the girl realizes she's not in the saddle correctly and she does everything she can to stay on the horse, she pulls on the horse's mane, she grabs the saddle ... but she realizes it's no use. Finally she decides the best thing to do is to jump clear of the horse but as she does this, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup and she is dragged by the horse. Her head is hitting the ground ... thump ... thump ... thump ... over and over again. Just as she is about to lose consciousness ..... the store manager runs out and unplugs the horse!
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has 29.10 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: blonde, customer service, horse, life
Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack. "How did that happen?" asks the first guy. "Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot." "Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."
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has 73.94 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: death, health, heaven, life, wife
One spelling mistake can destroy your life! A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to add 'e' at the end of a word: "I am having such a wonderful time! Wish you were her..!"
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has 23.85 % from 119 votes. More jokes about: husband, life, men, wife