Joke #4903

Mother to daughter advice: Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.
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has 76.27 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: life

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A student was lucky to find a decent accommodation with a cheap rent. His colleagues came to visit him and he was showing them the house. "This is the kitchen. This is the bedroom. And this one is the living room ... " "And what are this hammer and this pot that are hanging on the wall for? What are you going to do with them?" one of his colleagues asked. "This is a talking clock." "I have never seen a clock like that. Can you show me how it works?" "Sure. Look," the student said. He took the hammer and struck at the pot with all his strength. Then a voice was heard from the other side, "What you are doing? Are you crazy? It is half past one in the night, you idiot!"
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has 80.52 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: college, life, student, time
One man's hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual. It was cold and raining, so he decided to return back to his house. He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife. "What terrible weather today honey," he said to her. "Yes. And my idiot husband went fishing!" she replied.
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has 66.45 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: life
The only Christmas present Chuck Norris ever gives is allowing you to live.
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, Chuck Norris, life
My grandfather once told me "your generation is too reliant on technology." So I replied "no, your generation is too reliant on technology!" Then I disconnected his life support.
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has 73.48 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: life, old people, technology
Gordan Ramsey:Theres more smoke in this kitchen than snopp dogg tour bus.
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Q: Wanna hear a joke? A: Women's Rights.
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: life, mean, women
What is the difference between pressure, anxiety and panic attacks? You have pressure when your wife is pregnant. You are anxious when your girlfriend is pregnant. You have panic attacks when both of them are pregnant!
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has 81.87 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: baby, life, wife
If I had my whole life to live over again, I don’t think I’d have the strength.
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: life
The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. "Ever have an accident?" "Nope, nary a one." "None? You've never had any accidents." "Nope. Ain't had one. Never." "Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?" "Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."
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has 74.28 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: animal, cowboy, life, stupid
When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
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has 75.92 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: god, life, religious