Joke #4903

Mother to daughter advice: Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.
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has 80.00 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: life

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Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary. One day the secretary announced she was pregnant. They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter. The day of delivery arrived. Both the lawyers were at the hospital pacing the floor in the waiting room. Finally one of them said, “I can’t take this, I’m going down to sit in my car and wait there. Please come down and tell me as soon as the child is born!” The partner agreed to do that. About an hour later the partner approached the car with a very grave look on his face. “What happened?” asked the waiting car occupant. The other partner announced, “They were twins and mine died!”
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has 70.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: car, death, hospital, lawyer, life
Two Reasons why it's so hard to solve a redneck murder: Firstly, the DNA all matches and secondly, there are no dental records.
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has 71.50 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: death, dentist, life, mean, redneck
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
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has 67.69 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: husband, life, wife
While learning CPR Chuck Norris actually brought the practice dummy to life.
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has 84.72 % from 1159 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, life
Cletus Cletus goes to work and sees that one of his co-workers has a thermos. He asks him what it does and the fellow co-worker responds, "It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold." Cletus was amazed and when he got home immediately went out and bought one. The next day he goes to work and is proud that he has this wonderful object. The same co-worker realizes he has a thermos and says, "What do you have in it?" He says, "Soup and ice cream!"
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has 71.76 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: food, life, work
Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.
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has 60.75 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: life
Man: When I bend my arm like this it hurts? Doctor: Well, stop doing it!
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
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has 53.58 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: life
Two truck drivers trying to drive under a bridge. Driver, "Oh no, the height of bridge is 2.7m and our truck is 3m." 2nd driver, "it's ok, just go, there is no cops around."
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: cop, life
One spelling mistake can destroy your life! A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to add 'e' at the end of a word: "I am having such a wonderful time! Wish you were her..!"
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has 26.64 % from 127 votes. More jokes about: husband, life, men, wife