Two eggs boiling in a pan.
One says, "I've got a huge crack."
The other replies, "Stop teasing me, I'm not f*cking hard yet."
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Teacher and her 3 boy students:
Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”
Boy 1: “I saw a strap of your bra.”
Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one week.”
Boy 2 laughed…
Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”
Boy 2: “I saw your bra straps.”
Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one month.”
Teacher bent down to pickup a chalk. Boy 3 started walking out of the class…
Teacher: “Why are you leaving?”
Boy 3: “I think my school days are over.”
Two condoms walk into a gay bar, look at each other and say "let's get shit-faced!"
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
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boy: spell "me"
girl: M-E
boy: but you forgot the D
girl: there's no D in me
boy: not yet ;)
I stopped a girl in the street last night and handed her a rape alarm and some pepper spray.
She looked confused and said, "What are these for?"
I started unbuttoning my jeans and replied, "I like a challenge."
Little Johnny in Math Class.
One day little Johnny was sitting in math class.
The teacher asked him, "there are 3 crows on a fence the farmer shoots one how many are left?"
Little Johnny replied "none."
Confused the teacher asked again.
"Johnny, there are 3 crows on the fence the farmer shoots 1 how many are left?"
Johnny replies "0."
Teacher says, "ok Little Johnny how are you getting this."
Little Johnny replies, "if 1 crow dies then the other two fly away, 0 crows left."
Teacher says "that's not the correct answer but I like the way your thinking."
Little Johnny replies, "ok teach, there 3 girls in an ice-cream parlor.
One is sucking the cone, one is licking the cone, and the other is biting the cone, which one is married?"
The teacher replies, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
Little Johnny says, "no bitch it's the one with the ring on her finger but, I like the way your thinking."
How does a gay man fake an orgasm?
He spits on his partners back.
When you are in Hospital, your friends ask: "Hey, how are you dear?"
But your best friend ask: "Hey buddy, how is the nurse?"
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A man comes home and tells his wife to tell him something that is going to laugh and cry.
Wife thinks for a minute and says... "of all your friends you have the biggest dick."
How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
Stick a javelin through it's head.
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