Joke #5505

Two eggs boiling in a pan. One says, "I've got a huge crack." The other replies, "Stop teasing me, I'm not f*cking hard yet."
Vote: has 81.62 % from 287 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

If one drop of semen contains more life than a drop of blood, why don't vampires suck cock? Oh wait... Twilight
Vote: has 82.08 % from 707 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, life
How do you get a Michigan girl into an elevator? Grease her hips, and throw in a Twinkie.
Vote: has 21.27 % from 68 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
Q: Why do nursing homes give Viagra to the old men every night? A: It keeps them from rolling out of bed!
Vote: has 58.81 % from 78 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, nurse, old people, viagra
What's long, hard, and shoots sticky white stuff? A penis. What were you thinking you clean minded bastard.
Vote: has 56.73 % from 125 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued." The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you." He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?" The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"
Vote: has 69.25 % from 136 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, bar, dirty, gay
Rudolph the well hung reindeer, Had a great enormous cock, All he could ever do with it, was beat it off inside a sock, All of the female reindeer, Had pussies that were just too small, Poor old well hung Rudolph, Could not get any sex at all, Then one horny Christmas eve, Santa came to say, "Rudolph with your cock so strong... Fuck my arsehole all night long!" Then all the reindeer loved him, A few of them were heard to say, "Rudolph the well hung reindeer... You're so lucky Santa's gay"
Vote: has 69.73 % from 153 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, Christmas, dirty, gay, sex
What's the only thing white girls swallow? Starbucks.
Vote: has 54.31 % from 32 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, food
Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated. The following week when Steve's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve. He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing. "How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?" "I didn't have to," Steve replied. "Yesterday, when I left work, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn't go fishing. Then the ol' lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'. When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,' So, Here I am!"
Vote: has 85.77 % from 704 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beer, dirty, fish, sex, wife
Been chatting to a 14 yr old on the internet. She is funny, s*xy and flirty. Now she tells me she is an undercover cop. How cool is that at her age!
Vote: has 58.00 % from 71 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, flirt
I bought a racehorse today, I called him My Face. I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear a load of posh twats shouting, "Come on My Face."
Vote: has 84.80 % from 530 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, horse, sport