Joe is on his last day at work as a mailman.
He receives many thank-you cards and monetary gifts along his route.
When he gets to the very last house, he is greeted by a gorgeous housewife, who invites him in for lunch.
Joe happily accepts.
After lunch, the woman invites him up to the bedroom for some "desert."
Joe happily accepts again.
When they are done, the woman gives him a dollar.
Joe asks what the dollar is all about.
The woman replies: "It was my husband's suggestion. When I told him that it was your last day at work, he told me 'F**k him, give him a dollar. The lunch was my idea."
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What has a hundred balls and f*cks old women?
Bingo!
What do dogs and women have in common?
They both like 12-inch bones.
A Russian guy comes across a bottle of vodka on the street.
He picks it up and a genie comes out, "You are my master. You now have one wish."
The Russian man says, "I would like to piss vodka."
When the he gets home, he tells his wife to get two glasses.
She asks what they'll be drinking.
He tells her he can piss vodka and demonstrates for her.
It was the best vodka they'd ever had.
The next night the Russian guy comes home tired and tells his wife to get one glass.
She asks, "Why only one glass?"
"Because tonight," he says, "you should drink from the bottle."
Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snow blower coming.
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children.
"You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating.
You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money.
Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
What is the geographical definition of s*x?
Ans: It is an action done by the polland in the holland between the thailand with the little help of greece.
Me: Can I call an officer a pussy?
Cop: No.
Me: Can I call a pussy 'officer?'
Cop: I guess you could...
Me: Goodnight, officer
Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan?
A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!
A couple was having an argument, and the man was losing badly.
After 5 minutes the woman won the argument proving the man to be stupid, the man sadly says
"If my proof falls then I rome through the halls."
Then the woman leaves for 10 minutes and comes back starts giving him a blowjob.
The man is confused and says "what are you doing?"
She said "If I prove you dumb I give ya some."
The man continues to lose a argument knowing he will get a blowjob after 10 minutes, and he did.
Years later they have a kid but none of them want him so they have an argument of who takes care of it and the other leaves for good.
The man without a thought loses the argument the get another blowjob, but after the argument the woman starts rapping
"Yo yo guess who's the kid, not me so suck yourself bitch."
Before she leaves the he says "what about the blowjob?"
She says ask my twin sister that has herpes cause she did it the whole time.
Did you hear Cher is joining the spice girls?
They're going to call her Old Spice.
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