Joe is on his last day at work as a mailman. He receives many thank-you cards and monetary gifts along his route. When he gets to the very last house, he is greeted by a gorgeous housewife, who invites him in for lunch. Joe happily accepts. After lunch, the woman invites him up to the bedroom for some "desert." Joe happily accepts again. When they are done, the woman gives him a dollar. Joe asks what the dollar is all about. The woman replies: "It was my husband's suggestion. When I told him that it was your last day at work, he told me 'F**k him, give him a dollar. The lunch was my idea."
A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. "Do you want a bag?", the cashier asks. "No", the guy says, "She's not that ugly."
Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common? A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.
What do you get when you take two hookers to Red Lobster? 10% off for bringing your own crabs.
Q: Why do dogs lick their balls? A: Because they can. Q: So why do they stick their noses in women's crotches? A: Same reason.
Knock Knock! Who's there? Testicules. Testicules who? Pillow for penis .
Vaginas are like weather, when it's wet, it's time to go inside.
What did the two tampons say to eachother? Nothing , because they were both stuck up bitches.
Wife says to husband, "You make love like you decorate." Husband replies, "What very slow and professional?" "NO,"she replies, "I have to finish the job myself."
Q: How do you cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? A: Tell them you can't cum.