A blonde goes to an international message center to call her mother.
When the man tells her it will be $300, she exclaims, "I don't have that kind of money, but I'll do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."
He tells the blonde to follow him and takes her into a back room.
He unzips his pants and takes out his penis.
The blonde gets on her knees, brings it toward her mouth and says, "Hello? Mom?"
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Q: What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: She's trying to hold on to a thought.
Three women escape from prison….one is a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde.
They run for miles until they come upon an old barn; they decide to hide in the hayloft and rest.
When they climb up, they find three gunnysacks and decide to put them over their heads for camouflage.
About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy come into the barn. T
he sheriff tell his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft.
When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw.
The deputy told him just three gunnysacks.
The sheriff told him to find out what was in them…..so the deputy kicked the first bag, which had the redhead in it……and she went “Bow-wow.”
So the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in the first one.
Then he kicked the one with the brunette in it and she went “Meow.”
The deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in the second one.
Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it and there was no sound at all, so he kicked it again and the blonde said
“Potatoes.”
A blonde and a brunette were opening their paychecks when the blonde asked the brunette what she was going to buy.
The brunette replied, "I think I'll buy a new set of plates because mine are chipped. What are you going to buy?"
The blonde said, "I think I'm gonna buy a new butt, because my old one has an enormous crack in it."
What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
"You keep hearing about them, but never see any."
Two blondes drive through the middle of Kansas, surrounded entirely by wheat fields.
One blonde says, "Look over there!"
They see another blonde in scuba gear acting like she's swimming through the wheat.
The blonde driving says, "It's girls like that who give us blondes a bad name."
The other blonde says, "Yeah! And if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and tell her off."
A blonde's car breaks down.
A cop pulls up and inquires about the group of naked men standing next to her car.
The blonde says, "They're my emergency flashers."
A brunnette and a red haid were riding in the front of a pickup truck the blonde was in the back.
The truck crashed into the lake and the redhead and the brunnette made it to shore quickly but it took the blonde ten min.
They asked when she got there, "What took so long"?
The blonde replied, " I had to get the tailgate open".
One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.
The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom.
She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.
While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her.
They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.
Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating.
She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because pets can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Because the blondes couldn't either.