A blonde's car breaks down. A cop pulls up and inquires about the group of naked men standing next to her car. The blonde says, "They're my emergency flashers."
A blond smokes in her yard. The garbage man asks her: Any garbage today? Yes, tree sacks please...
NASA sends a space shuttle up with two pigs and a blonde on board. While the shuttle is taking off, the NASA command center calls the first pig and asks, "Pig #1, do you know your mission?" The pig replies, "Oink oink. Get the shuttle into orbit and launch the trillion dollar satellite. Oink oink." Then NASA Control asks the second pig, "Pig #2, do you know your mission?" The second pig replies, "Oink oink. Once Pig #1 has completed the trillion dollar satellite launch, close hatch, and go back to Earth. Land shuttle. Oink oink." Then NASA asks the blonde, "Blonde woman, do you know your mission?" The blonde woman replies, "Ummmmmmm...Oh yeah, I remember now.Feed the pigs and DON'T TOUCH A GODDAMNED THING!"
Chuck Norris is under contract with Zales and DeBeer not to eat coal.
Did you hear the one about the blonde fox that got stuck in a trap? She chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not. I mentioned this fact to the blonde cashier and mused out loud, "I wonder why?" The blonde replied, "Must be because the oil would suffocate them."
Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment? A: An IN-body experience!
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?" The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV, it's a microwave!"
Q: How do you make a blonde's brain the size of a pea? A: Inflate it.
Q: Why was the blonde afraid to have phone sex? A: Because the condom wouldn't fit over the phone.
Why did the blond speed on the highway? Because she thought the cars behind her where chasing her!!!!