Joke #5536

A guy is flying in a hot air balloon and he's lost. So he lowers himself over a field and shouts to a guy on the ground:"Can you tell me where I am, and which way I'm headed?" "Sure! You're at 43 degrees, 12 minutes, 21.2 seconds north; 123 degrees, 8 minutes, 12.8 seconds west. You're at 212 meters above sea level. Right now, you're hovering, but on your way in here you were at a speed of 1.83 meters per second at 1.929 radians" "Thanks! By the way, are you a statistician?" "I am! But how did you know?" "Everything you've told me is completely accurate; you gave me more detail than I needed, and you told me in such a way that it's no use to me at all!" "Dang! By the way, are you a principal investigator?" "Geeze! How'd you know that?" "You don't know where you are, you don't know where you're going. You got where you are by blowing hot air, you start asking questions after you get into trouble, and you're in exactly the same spot you were a few minutes ago, but now, somehow, it's my fault!"

How I see math word problems: If you have 4 pencils and 7 apples, how many pancakes will fit on the roof? Purple, because aliens don't wear hats.

How does a cow do math? With a cowculator.

A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help. "If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her. The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."

Three statisticians go out hunting together. After a while they spot a solitary rabbit. The first statistician takes aim and overshoots. The second aims and undershoots. The third shouts out "We got him!"

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

There are three kinds of accountants in the world. Those who can count and those who can't.

Student: What’s infinity? Math Teacher: Think of a number. Student: Okay, I’ve got one. Teacher: Good. That’s not it.

A chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore. The chemist and the physicist comes up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."