Q:Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A:To stamp out fires.
Q:Why do elephants have flat feet?
A:To stamp out burning ducks
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A farmer and a son live on a farm.
The farmer is sitting in the kitchen when his son comes in from the barn with a large glass of white liquid.
He is so excited because he's just milked a cow.
Then he takes a big drink from the glass.
His father just stares at him.
"Son, we don't have a cow. We have a bull."
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If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped.
What's a tiger?
A stri-ped.
Two snakes are talking.
One of them turns to the other and asks, "Are we venomous?"
The other replays, "Yes,why?..."
"I just bit ma lip."
Do you know the difference between a postal box and a monkey's arse?
Well if you don't know I will never ask you to post a letter for me.
Chuck Norris uses live piranhas as bath toys.
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I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman…
“Mr Cook?”
“Yes,” I replied.
“I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.”
I said, “That’s bullshit – my dog doesn’t have a bike!”
Q: Why does a dog lick himself?
A: He can't make a fist.
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Question: Why does Tigger smell?
Answer: You'd smell too if you played with Pooh all day!
What is a chameleon's motto?
A change is as good as a rest.