Q:What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher? A: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work. The philosopher can do without the trash bin.
2 > 1... unless that 1 is Chuck Norris.
...and then the devil said, "Let's put the alphabet into mathematics."
Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.
First Caribou: What kind of math do owls like? Second Caribou: Owlgebra.
Only Chuck Norris knows a bigger number than infinity, and it's not infinite plus one.
Little Johnny was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the called Little Johnny's teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in class?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, the sum of which is four."
Q:Why is the number eight afraid of the number seven? A:Because seven ate nine.
Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach? A: Because they can divide sin and cosine to get a tan!
"If you had a dollar," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?" "One dollar." answered little Johnny. "You don't know your basic math." said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed. Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my daddy."
How the children from Chernobil count from one to hundred? On the fingers!