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A chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.
The chemist and the physicist comes up with many ingenious ways to open the can.
Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job.
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."
"What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Today and tomorrow."
He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant.
"It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain.
Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
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Chuck Norris can count the number of corners in a circle.
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Chuck Norris can divide prime numbers into whole numbers.
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Chuck Norris knows the last number of infinity.
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Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs, and 50 percent imagination.
Q: Why accountants don't read novels?
A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
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An engineer and a physicist are in a hot-air balloon.
After a few hours they lose track of where they are and descend to get directions.
They yell to a jogger, "Hey, can you tell us where we're at?"
After a few moments the jogger responds, "You're in a hot-air balloon."
The engineer says, "You must be a mathematician."
The jogger, shocked, responds, "yeah, how did you know I was a mathematician?"
"Because, it took you far too long to come up with your answer, it was 100% correct, and it was completely useless."