Q: What does the zero say to the the eight?
A: Nice belt! 
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One attractive young businesswoman to another over lunch:
"My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying."
Chuck Norris can divide prime numbers into whole numbers.
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One day, Little Johnny was with his father at home.
He asked: "What does "evolution" mean?"
His father replied, "Figure it out."
Next day, at school, during a math test, a boy raised his hand: "What's 289+308?"
The teacher said: "Figure it out."
Ten minutes later, Little Johnny looked at the boy and said: "Why don't you write "evolution"? Your teacher already told you!"
Chuck Norris is the only person to know pi, because when he puts it into the calculator, the calculator doesn't dare give him only part of it.
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Johnny, if you had 5$ and you asked your father for 3$ more, how many dollars would you have?
I would have five dollars...
You don't know your arithmetic, Johnny...
You don't know my father, Mrs. Mutch...
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The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Johnny!
What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"
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Teacher asks student: What is the half of 8?
Student: Miss horizontally or vertically?
Teacher: What do mean?
Student: Horizontally it is 0 and vertically it is 3.
What is 6.9?
A great thing ruined by a period.