Joke #4974

Q: What does the zero say to the the eight? A: Nice belt!

What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass? Beer.

Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," was his reply. The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter, and another quarter, and then another quarter, how much would you have left? A million dollars minus 75 cents.

An engineer and a physicist are in a hot-air balloon. After a few hours they lose track of where they are and descend to get directions. They yell to a jogger, "Hey, can you tell us where we're at?" After a few moments the jogger responds, "You're in a hot-air balloon." The engineer says, "You must be a mathematician." The jogger, shocked, responds, "yeah, how did you know I was a mathematician?" "Because, it took you far too long to come up with your answer, it was 100% correct, and it was completely useless."

What is 6.9? A great thing ruined by a period.

How the children from Chernobil count from one to hundred? On the fingers!

Q: How many mathematicians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: On average or do you want the whole distribution?

Yo momma is so stupid when they asked her 1+1 she said "Ouch! it is a long story."

A blonde desserts her home town out of shame, and colors her hair brown. She drives past a farm and sees all the sheep. She goes up to the farmer and ask, "If I guess how many sheep you have can I have one?" The farmer nodded. She continued. "159" The farmer is surprised. "How did you know?" "Lucky guess" She grabs one and gets in her car. The farmer comes up and says, "If I can guess your real hair color can I get my dog back?"

On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.