Joke #5550

Two parents take their son on a vacation to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says: "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says: "The bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says: "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!" The mom says: "The bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says: "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"

Chuck Norris sleeps with every woman on the planet once a month... and they bleed for a week.

Good: Your daughter has got a new job. Bad: As a call girl. Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients. Very ugly: She makes more money than you.

Yo mama is so stupid, she did her dad last night.

Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency: "Our largest condom factory has exploded," the Russian President cried. "My people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!" "Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President. "I do need your help" said Putin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms as soon as possible to tide us over?" "Why certainly! I'll get right on it,"said Bush. "Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Putin. "Yes?" "Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Putin. "No problem," replied the President. Mr. Putin hung up and started laughing with his aides about how those stupid Americans will fall for anything. George hung up and called the President of a condom company. "I need a favor, you've got to send 1,000,000 condoms right away over to Russia." "Consider it done," said the president of the condom company. "Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 4" wide." "Easily done. Anything else?" "Yeah," said the President, "print 'Made in America, size small' on each one!"

Q. What's a blonde's idea of safe sex? A. Locking the car door.

Apparently 98% of black people enjoy sex in the shower. The other 2% have never been to prison.

Why do men like having sex with the lights on? It makes it easier to put a name to the face.

"Hey Bill... Do you talk to your wife while you are having sex?" "Only if there's a phone handy", Bill replied.

Husband: "When I die, I'd like to die making love." Wife: "At least we know it'll be quick!"

Men, don’t buy expensive ‘ribbed’ condoms; buy an ordinary one and slip in a handful of frozen peas.