The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly."
On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"
"Yes", the boy's mother answered.
"And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked.
"Who cares?" the mother replied.
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
Nothing beats a woman with a beautiful singing voice.
Except for Chris Brown.
MOVIE RATINGS EXPLAINED:
G: Nobody gets the girl.
PG: The good guy gets the girl.
R: The bad guy gets the girl.
X: Everybody gets the girl!
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette all enter the International Breast Stroke Swim across the English Channel.
After about 8 hours, the brunette makes it across, followed shortly by the redhead.
No sign of the blonde.
After 12 hours they decide they'd better go look for her when she pretty much washes up on shore.
They rush over to her and wrap her in warm blankets and give her a hot drink.
After a few minutes, she is breathing easier and says, "I don't like to tattle, but I think those other ladies were using their arms!"
Woman 1: Oh!
You got a haircut!
That’s so cute!
Woman 2: Do you think so?
I wasn’t sure when she was gave me the mirror.
I mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking?
Woman 1: Oh God no! No, it’s perfect.
I’d love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide.
I’m pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable.
And you could easily get one of those layer cuts – that would look so cute I think.
I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman 1: Oh – that’s funny!
I would love to have your neck!
Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.
Woman 2: Are you kidding?
I know girls that would love to have your shoulders.
Everything drapes so well on you.
I mean, look at my arms – see how short they are?
If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
Man 1: Haircut?
Man 2: Yeah.
My boss is in the process of filling an open manager position.
I asked him to please hire a man because women are crazy.
He agreed with me.
I got upset that he agreed.
I'm pretty sure I unintentionally proved my point.
Vote:
Why is a woman different from a PC?
A woman won't accept a 3½" floppy.
Q: Why did my wife cross the road?
A: To go back to the first shoe shop we went in three bloody hours ago.
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution.
"You don't want to try these techniques at home."
"Why not?" asked somebody from the audience.
"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained.
"She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time.
One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"
"Did it save time?" the person in the audience asked. "Actually, yes," replied the expert.
"It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."
What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.
B. Penicillin.
A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby."
The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby doctor? What's wrong?"
The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite."
The woman is confused. "A hermaphrodite..... what's that?"
The doctor replies, "Well, it means your baby has the.......er......features....of a male and a female."
The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh MY GOD! you mean it has a penis..... AND a brain.