My penis was in the Guiness Book of Records... until the librarian kicked me out.
If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays.
Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
What’s the difference between a bar and a g-spot? Most men have no trouble finding a bar.
Condoms are not completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and he got hit by a bus.
An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about s*x?" he asked, rather tentatively. "I would like it infrequently ", she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered, "Is that one word or two?"
What’s a man’s ultimate embarrassment? Walking into a wall with an erection and hurting his nose.
Bigamy is having one wife too many, but so is monogamy.
My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207...
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.
What are the small bumps around women’s nipples? It’s Braille for ‘suck here’.