Joke #1250

My penis was in the Guiness Book of Records... until the librarian kicked me out.
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has 79.62 % from 933 votes. More jokes about: sex

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The was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday. They asked George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning. George replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be 10 minutes late. On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00. He golfed right handed and won the round. Next Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be there, but he may be 10 minutes late again. He shows up right on time, golfs left handed, and wins the round. This continues for the next few weeks, with Geoge always saying that he may be 10 minutes late, and then always winning the round golfing, either left or right handed. The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was. They said, ''George, every Saturday you say you may be ten minutes late. You never are. Then you show up and golf with either right handed or left handed, and always win. What is up with that?'' George replies, ''Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy. Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my wife. If she is sleeping on her left side, I golf left handed. If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right handed.'' ''Well,'' one of the employees questioned, ''What happens if she is laying on her back?'' George replies, ''Then I am 10 minutes late.''
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has 67.84 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: sex, sport, time, wife, work
"I just had sexed in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die." "Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."
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has 66.96 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, dad, kids, sex
An apple, a banana and a penis got into an argument one day. The apple says sadly "I have the worst life ever. People take one bite of me and throw me on the ground." The banana says "You think thats bad? People take off my clothes, eat my insides and leave my clothes on the floor." The penis laughs. "You guys have it easy. You try having people sticking you in dark, wet caves, putting bags over your head, messaging you for hours and making you do push-ups until you throw up!"
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has 77.84 % from 473 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food, sex
‘Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.’ Rodney Dangerfield
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has 41.18 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: sex
Q: What do you call the sweat on your balls after having sex with your cousin? A: Relative humidity.
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has 48.69 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, sex
Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think men care.
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has 63.13 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: sex
A tight rope Walker is walking a tight rope between two buildings on the 85th floor in new York. At the same time in South Texas is getting a blow job from a 85 year old lady. What are both men thinking? Don't look down.
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has 70.45 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: age, death, dirty, geography, sex
Superman was flying around Metropolis when he noticed Wonder Woman lying totally naked, spread-eagle on her bed. He thought, "Hmm... I could fly through that open window and be in and out before she even knew what hit her!" With nothing more than a rustle of the curtains, Superman was on his way, thinking, "Wow! She is really tight!" Back in her bedroom, Wonder Woman sat up asking, "What in Amazonia was that?!" The Invisible Man said, "I don't know, but my asshole sure hurts!"
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has 78.61 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex
In funeral of my friend's wife, I went to condole him so I said: "Don't think she was your wife, she was for all".
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has 63.05 % from 127 votes. More jokes about: dirty, funeral, insulting, sex, wife
Doc, every time after sex I hear whistle. What's your age? 70. You know, this is very natural. It would strange if you heard applause...
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has 45.91 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: sex