Joke #1250

My penis was in the Guiness Book of Records... until the librarian kicked me out.
Vote: has 79.03 % from 836 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated. The following week when Steve's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve. He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing. "How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?" "I didn't have to," Steve replied. "Yesterday, when I left work, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn't go fishing. Then the ol' lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'. When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want,' So, Here I am!"
Vote: has 86.55 % from 608 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beer, dirty, fish, sex, wife
What did one tit say to the other? I hope we get support soon or people will think we're nuts.
Vote: has 73.80 % from 64 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, sex
16 and Pregnant. 15 and Fucking. 14 and Sucking. 13 and Licking. 12 and Fingering. 11 and Touching. 9 and Kissing. 8 and Wondering. Welcome To Our Fucked Up Generation...
Vote: has 77.75 % from 1662 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, sex
Q: What goes in hard and pink, but comes out soft and mushy? A: Bubblegum and you should be ashamed of yourself.
Vote: has 76.52 % from 862 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 95%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
Vote: has 61.89 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, science, sex, wedding, women
You know why Chuck Norris is always on top during sex? Because he never fucks up.
Vote: has 30.77 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, sex
A homo went to Denmark to have a sex change operation performed. When 'SHE' returned, a friend asked, "How did it go?" "Oh awful, just awful!" she replied. "What was so awful?" asked the friend, "Did it hurt a lot when they removed the extra parts?" "Oh no," she replied, "That wasn't bad at all." "Well, did it hurt when they put in the silicone implants?" the friend asked. "Oh no, that wasn't bad either!" she replied. "Well then," asked the friend, "What was so awful?" "It was when they cut a hole in my head and took out half my brain!"
Vote: has 25.20 % from 220 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: gay, geography, sex, travel
A couple have been dating for a few weeks, but the guy has been afraid of making advances because he thinks his penis is on the small side. Finally, he gets up his courage and takes her down lovers’ lane. While they’re kissing, he opens his trouser zip and guides her hand onto his organ. ‘No thanks,’ says the girl. ‘I don’t smoke.’
Vote: has 64.05 % from 106 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: sex
Why do Jews watch porn backwards? Because their favorite part is when the hooker gives the money back.
Vote: has 78.51 % from 894 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: jewish, money, racist, sex
"Name?" "Abdul Aziz." "Sex?" "Three to five times a day." "No, no... I mean male or female?" "Yes, male, female, sometimes camel." "Holy cow!" "Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general." "But isn't that hostile?" "Horse style, doggy style, any style!" "Oh dear!" "No, no! Deer run too fast..."
Vote: has 78.32 % from 920 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, sex