Little Johnny's father asked for report card. Johnny replied, "I don't have it." "Why not?" His father asked. "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"
Johnny comes back home from school and tells his father, "Dad, tomorrow you are invited to a special parent meetings at school." "How much special?" "Well, just me, you, the director and two investigators from the FBI."
Johnny comes home from school and asks his mom what is a "period". His mom says that "A period is when a woman needs to realease her dead egg cells". Johnny asks what color is it. She says it's red. Johnny said "I have one of those but mine is white and it makes babies."
Little Johnny was at school one day, when he noticed that there was a large crowd of kids gathered around Little Billy. Little Johnny walks up to Little Billy and says "Hey what's all the excitement about", Little Billy says "Just showing everyone my new watch". Little Johnny goes "Wow, that's a cool watch where did you get it?" Little Billy says "Well, I walked in on my mom and dad having sex over the weekend, and my dad was so mad he gave me spanking and sent me to my room". The next day, he feel guilty about what he had done and went and bought me this cool Watch. This gives Little Johnny a good idea. Later that night, when Little Johnny was sent to bed, he stayed up listening and waiting for his mom and dad to go to bed. Once he starts hearing noises coming from their room he runs down the hall, throws their bedroom door open, and yells "I want a watch!" His dad looks over to Johnny and says "Well okay, but sit in the corner and be quiet!"
The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words, she thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more that one syllable. Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words? After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday. Great Jane that has two syllables, Mon......day Does anyone know another word. I do, I do, me me me replied Johnny. Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead. Ok Mike, what is your word. Saturday. says, Mike. Great, that has three syllables. Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says " I know a four syllable word, pick me....." Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says, "O.K. Johnny what is your four syllable word?" Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion." Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny, four syllables, that certainly is a mouthful" No Maam, your thinking of blow job, and that's only two syllables.
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
Little Johnny goes to his sister's room and picks up something. His sister tells him to give it back, she wants to keep it as a souvenir. He asks her what it is. She says, "it's a donut." Then Little Johnny says, "give me fifty cents." Johnny gives her the used condom, and his sister gives him 50 cents. He goes to the kitchen with a big smile on his face, and his mom asks him why he's smiling. He says, "My sister gave me fifty cents for a donut, but I already licked out all the custard!
During the soccer match little Johny sits in the front row. His friend asks: How did you get tickets? From my brother - respond Petya. And where is your brother? At home. Looking for his ticket.
Little Johnny's teacher asks, "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Do any of you know why his father didn't punish him?" Little Johnny replies, "Because George was the one holding the axe?
Little Johnny comes downstairs crying. His mother asked, "What’s the matter now?" "Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with hammer," said little Johnny through his tears. "That’s not so serious," soothed his mother. "I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like that. Why didn’t you just laugh?" "I did!" sobbed Johnny.