Joke #5640

A farmer gets a phone call from his son. "I've run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor still alive." "Shoot it," says the farmer, "and then bury it." About 20mins later he gets another call..." "Done that, what should I do with his speed camera and motorbike?"
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has 79.50 % from 152 votes. More jokes about: disgusting

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Two guys always catch the train to work together; one is French, the other Italian. Every morning when the French guy gets on, he passes his fingers underneath his nose while sniffing and says "Aaahhh... Fifi!" He does this every day, so the Italian guy says to him one morning, "Why do you do that and say 'Aaahhh... Fifi!'?" The French man explaines that Fifi is his wife, and he fingers her every morning and it reminds him of her all day. The next morning, the French guy gets on the trains and sniffs his fingers saying, "Fifi!" Then the Italian guy gets on and runs his whole arm under his nose and says, "Aaahhh... Maria!"
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has 75.27 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, wife, work
What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroke-n-off
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has 55.00 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, masturbation
Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license?  "Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"
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has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: bar, blonde, disgusting, lawyer
A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep.  The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the toilet. He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do. Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy's chest. About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him. "So," says the little guy, "are you feeling better now?"
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: airplane, disgusting, travel
Q: Why did the cowboy have sh*t in his mustache? A: Cuz he'd been lookin for love in all the wrong places.
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has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: cowboy, disgusting
1 woman and 9 men shipwreck on a deserted island. After one week, the woman, disgusted by the things she was doing, kills herself. After another week, the men, disgusted by the things they were doing, buried her. After another week, the men, more disgusted by the things they were doing, dug her up.
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has 61.89 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: death, disgusting, women
regular ass (_!_) fat ass (__!__) tight ass (!) flat ass (_._) bubble ass (_^_) sore ass (_*_) lop-sided ass (_!__) swishy ass {_!_} surprised ass (_o_) ass that's been around (_O_) kiss my ass (_x_) leave my ass alone (_X_) tired ass (_zzz_) wise ass (_o^o_) unlucky ass (_13_) money out the ass (_$_) dumb ass (_?_)
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has 69.66 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, fart
Two brothers, Bob and Tom, both work for a lumberyard. One day, Bob tells Tom that he can tell what any piece of wood is just by smelling it. Unbelieving, Tom blindfolds Bob and proceeds to test the theory. The first piece of wood Bob smells, he instantly identifies as maple. The second piece Bob instantly identifies as walnut. Tom cannot believe Bob can really do this, so he takes an old piece of wood and whispers to the secretary to rub the wood between her legs. She happily runs it up in her crotch. Tom hands the piece of wood to Bob. Bob smells it three times. "I am stumped. But I would have to guess that this wood is either a pussywillow or a shingle from a shithouse."
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, work
"Where are you going to take Vampira on your date?" asked one vampire. "Oh, I thought we'd go to the movies, and then get a quick bite."
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has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: dating, disgusting
What's green and yellow and eats nuts? Gonorrhea.
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: disgusting