A farmer gets a phone call from his son.
"I've run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor still alive."
"Shoot it," says the farmer, "and then bury it."
About 20mins later he gets another call..."
"Done that, what should I do with his speed camera and motorbike?"
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Did you hear about the 120-pound guy with the 30-pound testicles?
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Two old ladies are at the movies.
"Psst," says one old lady. "I think the guy next to me is beating off."
"What makes you say that?"
"He's using my hand."
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Q: What's the difference between erotic and kinky?
A: Erotic is when you use a feather; kinky is when you use the
whole chicken.
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Birdie, birdie in the sky
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
I'm a big girl I won't cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly.
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I see, said the blind man, peeing into the wind.
It's all coming back to me now.
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Q: How many hipsters does it take to flush a toilet?
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Q: Did you hear about the depressed proctologist?
A: He's been feeling down in the dumps.
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Do you know what would be sick?
If you sat in Santa's lap and you felt him get a boner.
Do you know what would be even worse?
If he stood up and you were still sitting in his lap.
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Q: What did the Lawyer say to the lesbian?
A: One slip of the tongue and you will be in s**t!
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If I wanted some comeback, I'd wipe it off your chin!
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