Q: Why was the condom flying through the air? A: It got pissed off.
Why fart and waste when you can burp and taste?
How many dead babies can fit in a barrel? 4 1/2.
Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.
How is parsley like pubic hair? You push it aside to eat, and sometimes it gets stuck between your teeth after meals.
Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs, with a ten inch penis? A: "Partially disabled."
Little Red Riding Hood walks through the forest and sees a wolf hunched under a tree with its ears erect and its mouth stretched in a big grimace. She says to the wolf, "My, what big ears you have!" The wolf keeps grimacing. She says, "My, what big eyes you have!" The wolf grimaces even wider, baring his teeth. She says, "My, what big teeth you have!" The wolf finally snaps and says, "F**k off! I'm trying to take a dump."
What's green and sits in the corner? That same baby three weeks later.
A farmer and a son live on a farm. The farmer is sitting in the kitchen when his son comes in from the barn with a large glass of white liquid. He is so excited because he's just milked a cow. Then he takes a big drink from the glass. His father just stares at him. "Son, we don't have a cow. We have a bull."
Q: How many hipsters does it take to flush a toilet? A: You can't touch that toilet, it's art.