What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?
The taxidermist only takes the skin.
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money.
I shall be everlastingly in your debt.
Harry: That's what I'm afraid of!
Man, to friend, ‘My wife makes terrible demands for money.
Two weeks ago she asked for £50.
Last week she wanted £100, and yesterday it was £150.’
Friend, ‘What does she do with it all?’ Man, ‘I don’t know.
I never give her any.’
An old Jewish beggar was out on the street, begging with his tin cup.
A man passed by and the beggar said to the man, "Sir, could you spare 3 cents for a cup of coffee?"
And the man said, "Where do get coffee for 3 cents?"
And the beggar said, "Who buys retail?"
Wife: "Honey let's play a game?"
Husband: "Ok, what is the game all about?"
Wife: "If I mention a country, you will run to the left side of the room and touch the wall. And if I mention a bird you will run to the right side of the room and touch the wall. If you run to the wrong direction, you will give me all your salary for the month."
Husband: "Ok and if you fail, I will have your salary too right?"
Wife: (smile) "Yes darling."
Husband: "Ok" (stood up and was ready to run to any direction)
Wife: "Are u ready?"
Husband: "Yes, ready."
Wife: "Turkey"
It has been 4 hours now the husband is still standing at the spot wondering if she meant the country or the bird.
So Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it.
One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says "teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is."
She replies, "okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But beforeclass ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties.
After class is over and the studentsclear out, Johnny makes his guess.
"Blue."
"Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear.
"Well come with me out to my dads car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out.
When they get to the car she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear.
His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"
Vote:
The pentagon said they had too many generals running around, so they decided to get rid of some of them.
They offered $10,000 in severance pay for each inch of their body to be measured however they chose.
The Air Force general went first.
He said he wanted to be measured from his head to his toe.
He was 69 inches. He received $690,000.
Next up was the Army general.
He wanted to be measured from the tip of his finger to the tip of his other finger.
It was 80 inches. He received $800,000.
The two generals were very happy with their earnings.
Finally the Marine general came up.
He said he wanted to be measured from the tip of his d**k to the tip of his balls.
The man said, "Sir, do you know how much the other generals received?"
The general said no. "Sir, they received $690,000 and $800,000 respectively, are you sure that is what you want measured?"
The general said, "Just do it!"
The man dropped the general's pants and measured his d**k.
When he went for the general's balls, they weren't there.
The man said, "Sir, where are your balls."
The general said, "I left them back in Vietnam."
Money isn’t everything, but at least it encourages relatives to stay in touch.
We’re all self-made but only the rich and successful like to admit it.
I can't see the point of going to a lap-dancing club.
If I wanted a woman who would take my money and sexually frustrate me, I would get married.