Joke #5662

A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian. "Look in the lion's mouth," the vet told him. "How do I do that?" he asked. "Carefully," replied the vet.
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has 54.16 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: animal

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I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
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In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could. The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim. Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!" The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to an abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused. Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, God, for the food I'm about to receive..."
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has 78.57 % from 129 votes. More jokes about: animal, food, god, hunting, religious
Why did the rabbits go on strike? They wanted a better celery.
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has 49.51 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal
Two skunks observed a deer hunter sneaking through the woods with a rifle. "I hope he's not going to shoot at us," said one skunk. The second skunk bowed his head and said, "Let us spray."
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, hunting, mean
Q: What do you call a pig who knows karate? A: Pork Chop.
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Q: Why do pandas like old movies? A: Because they are black and white.
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Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
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has 50.40 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, disgusting, morbid, music
At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, “Who here has ever seen a ghost?” Most of the hands go up. “And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?” About half the hands stay up. “Okay, now how many of you have had *physical* contact with a ghost?” Three hands stay up; there’s a slight murmur in the crowd. “Gosh, that’s pretty good. Okay, have any of you ever, uh…, been *intimate* with a ghost?” One hand stays up. The speaker blinks. “Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you’ve actually had *sexual* contact with a ghost?” The fellow suddenly blushes and says, “Oh, I’m sorry,… I thought you said goat!”
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has 75.39 % from 158 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, sex
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, "How much is the yellow one?" The assistant says, "$2000." The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, "This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast." "What about the green one?" the man asks. The assistant says, "He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes." "What about the red one?" the man asks. The assistant says, "That one's $10,000." The man says, "What does HE do?" The assistant says, "I don't know, but the other two call him boss."
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has 75.05 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: animal, money, parrot, phone
Q: Why is a sheep better than a woman? A: A sheep doesn't care if you fuck her sister.
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has 67.50 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, family, sex, women