A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian.
"Look in the lion's mouth," the vet told him.
"How do I do that?" he asked.
"Carefully," replied the vet.
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Q: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
A: Becuase the "P" is silent.
A New Zealander walking along the road with a sheep under each arm.
He meets another New Zealander who says "you sheerin' mate?" and the first guy replies "naw, they're all mine"
What is the definition of revenge?
A baby with a dog in its mouth.
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Why was the horseman fired from his job of saddle testing?
He was always standing up on the job!
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and they all did very, very well for themselves.
They got together recently and were discussing what they each had done to benefit their aging mother.
"Well," said the first one, "I bought Mom a huge house in Beverly Hills."
"I bought her a Mercedes and hired a full-time driver for her."
"I've got you both beat," said the third. "I bought her a miraculous parrot that can recite any Bible verse you tell it to."
A little later, the mother sent out a thank you letter to all three sons.
"Gerald - the house you bought was too big.
I only live in one room, but I have to clean the entire house.
Milton - the car is useless because I don't go anywhere because I'm too old.
But Robert - you know exactly what I like.
The chicken was delicious."
If a hungry shark is after you, what should you feed it?
Jawbreakers.
What famous painting do cows love to look at?
The Moona Lisa.
What is the difference between a crazy bunny and a counterfeit banknote?
One is bad money and the other is a mad bunny.
What does the fox say?
Whatever the hell Chuck Norris tells him to.
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