A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin.
At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again.
The teacher says, "What are you doing?"
He says, "Checking my answers."
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The thing programming and essay writing have in common: the easier the writing is to use, the harder it is to write.
Mother, "How was school today, Patrick?"
Patrick, "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!"
Mother, "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"
Patrick, "What school?"
Vote:
Teacher: Students, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Class: "Brotherly love."
Two college roommates are about to go to bed.
The guy in the top bunk has his girlfriend sleeping over.
To try and keep quiet, they devise a code.
His girlfriend will say "tomato" if she wants him to go slower and "lettuce" for him to go faster.
As they begin to have sex, the girl starts to moan, "Lettuce, lettuce, tomato, tomato!"
The roommate on the bottom bunk wakes up the next morning and says, "Stop making sandwiches at night.
You got mayonnaise in my eye!"
Pupil: "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?"
Teacher: "Of course not."
Pupil: "Good, because I haven't done my homework."
Johnny comes back home from school and tells his father, "Dad, tomorrow you are invited to a special parent meetings at school."
"How much special?"
"Well, just me, you, the director and two investigators from the FBI."
Vote:
Teacher: Billy, name two pronouns.
Billy: Who, me? Teacher: Very good!
In the beautiful world of fantasy, holding hands is the first sign of true love.
In college it means someone is too drunk to stand on their own.
What is a teacher's favorite kind of music?
Class-ical.
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom:
“Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing.
” Twenty minutes later there was another announcement:
“Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class.”