Joke #3700

Little Johnny's first grade class was playing "Name That Animal." The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "What animal is this?" "A cat!" said Suzy. "Good job. Now, what's this animal?" "A dog!" said Ricky. "Good. Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer. The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad." "I know!" called out Little Johnny. "A horny bastard!"

"Dad, I don't want to go to school today." said the boy. "Why not, son?" "Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day." "But why don't you want to go today?" "Because our English teacher died yesterday!"

Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water. The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed. He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass. It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died. "Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked. Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"

Student: "Sir, can I ask a question?" Teacher: "Yes!" Student: "How do you put an elephant inside a fridge?" Teacher: "I don't know." Student: "It's easy, you just open the fridge and put it in. I have another question!" Teacher: "Ok, ask." Student: "How to put a donkey inside the fridge?" Teacher: "It's easy, you just open the fridge and put it in." Student: "No sir, You just open the fridge take out the elephant and put it in." Teacher: "Ooh...ok!!" Student: "Let me ask another one. If all the animals went to the lion's birthday party, and one animal went missing which one would it be?" Teacher: "The lion of course! Because it wud eat all the animals." Student: "No sir, it is the donkey becoz it's still inside the fridge." Teacher: "Are you kidding me?" Student: "No sir, 1 last question." Teacher: "Ok!" Student: "If there's a river full of crocodiles and you wanted to cross, how would you?" Teacher: "There's no way, I would need a boat to cross." Student: "No sir, you just swim and cross it because all the animals went to the lion's birthday party..." Teacher: "I have my own question, if all the students come to school except one person, who is the person..." Student: "No idea sir..." Teacher: "It's you because you are on two weeks suspension."

It's graduation day, and everybody's going to get their diploma but Josh. At the assembly, the entire senior class stands up and shouts "Let Josh graduate, let Josh graduate!" The principal agrees to give Josh one last chance. "If I have five apples in my right hand and five in my left hand, Josh, how many apples do I have?" he asked. Josh thought long and hard and then said: "Ten." And the entire senior class stood up and shouted, "Give Josh another chance. Give Josh another chance!"

What does a graduate student with a science degree ask? "Why does it work?" What does a graduate student with an engineering degree ask? "How does it work?" What does a graduate student with an accounting degree ask? "How much will it cost?" What does a graduate student with a liberal arts degree ask? "Do you want fries with that?"

When chuck Norris was in school, he made his PE teacher run laps.

Yesterday, I failed my biology exam. The question was: "Name something commonly found in cells." Apparently, Niggers wasn't the right answer.

Malcolm: Miss Wilson can I go to the loo? Miss Wilson: In two minutes Malcolm. Do your alphabet first. Malcolm: Ok Miss Wilson. abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz. Miss Wilson: Very good, Malcolm, but where's the p? Malcolm: Miss, it's running down my leg!

The art teacher instructed her students to do a self portrait. When Andrew handed his picture in, the teacher took one look at it and said, "But, Andrew,this isn’t you." "That’s right," replied Andrew. "It’s a self portrait of someone else."

Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school. Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving. “Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.”