Joke #5699

A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!"
Vote:
has 79.27 % from 1080 votes. More jokes about: sex

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Girl, do you need to get your protein macros up? Because I'd gladly put my meat inside you.
Vote:
has 53.62 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: dirty, fitness, flirt, food, sex
Q: Why is a sheep better than a woman? A: A sheep doesn't care if you fuck her sister.
Vote:
has 69.34 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, family, sex, women
Are your legs made of Nutella? Because I'd love to spread them!
Vote:
has 70.45 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, dirty, flirt, food, sex
Q. Difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife... A. A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.
Vote:
has 74.54 % from 270 votes. More jokes about: sex
What is special about a dead baby over all other forms of life? You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter.
Vote:
has 20.42 % from 230 votes. More jokes about: baby, dead baby, disgusting, life, sex
What did one tit say to the other? I hope we get support soon or people will think we're nuts.
Vote:
has 75.09 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex
Q: Why do women have two holes so close together? A: In case you miss.
Vote:
has 65.27 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: sex, women
Men are like... Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
Vote:
has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: chocolate, food, men, sex
A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea. The Doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?" She said that she did. He asked, "Does it hurt you?" She said no. The Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant." The woman was mystified. She asked, "You can get pregnant from anal sex?" The Doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think lawyers come from?"
Vote:
has 73.48 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: doctor, husband, lawyer, sex
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The Bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside." The women start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thin." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here have it long and thin." Still, this isn't good enough so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here have it short and thick." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up. On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here have it long and thick." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
Vote:
has 77.46 % from 393 votes. More jokes about: husband, men, sex, women