An ugly bloke walks into a pub with a huge grin on his face.
"What are you so happy about ?" asks the landlord.
"Well, I live by the railway and on my way home last night I noticed a woman tied to the tracks. I cut her free and we shagged all night !"
"Did you get a blow job ?" asks the landlord.
"No ..." he says, "I never found the head."
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The pregnancy report of Santu’s wife came.
Doctor said, "Oh, nothing to get excited, it was just the gas problem."
Santu looks up at the sky towards the God and says, "Lord, What have you given me, a penis or an Air Pump."
Q: Who did little Johnny see when he snuck into the church late one night?
A: Pastor Bedtime.
Vote:
Teacher: And therefore, sperm cells are made up of glucose.
Student: So you're saying that sperm has sugar in it?
Teacher: Technically. Yes.
Student: But it doesn't even taste like that...
Teacher: what?
Student: what?
Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
( boy 1 ) : you need to say what ever i say in backwards.
( boy 2 ) : okay.
( boy 1 ) : A B C
( boy 2 ) : C B A
( boy 1 ) : 1 2 3
( boy 2 ) : 3 2 1
( boy 1 ) : okay lets make this harder : CRACK MY FINGER
( Boy 2 ) : Finger my crack .
Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan?
A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!
A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this...
Looking for man with these qualifications:
- won't beat me up
- won't run away from
- is great in bed.
She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day.
The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."
So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"
Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
There is a Navy guy and a Marine in the washroom.
The Marine goes to leave without washing up.
The sailor catches up with him later and says, "In the Navy, they teach us to wash our hands."
The Marine replies, "In the Marines, they teach us not to pee on ours!"