Always be yourself!
Unless you can be Batman - then always be Batman
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Do you know the joke of "no me neither"?
No.
Me neither.
Religion is a lot more like politics.
The only difference is that with religion you get to confess your own sins.
"Today, I saw a homeless men living in a tyre. So I did good deed and punctured it."
"How is that a good deed?"
"He is now living in a flat."
Doctor: "And how is it going with your old ailment, Mr Smith?"
Patient: "Very well, I've been divorced for half a year now."
Vote:
Customer: "Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?"
Waiter: "Can’t you tell the difference by taste?"
Customer: "No, I can’t."
Waiter: "Then does it really matter?"
Our folk not only knows how to read between the lines but also how to leave a record between the eyes.
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
Jesus walks into a hotel, rings the bell, and waits for the receptionist to come out.
He looks her dead in the eye, slams three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"
More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowpoke.
Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire the lad and give him a chance.
"This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows."
"I see," said Bob, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for bait?"