Joke #5782

Always be yourself! Unless you can be Batman - then always be Batman
Vote:
has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: life

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Don’t steal, don’t lie and don’t cheat. The government hates competition.
Vote:
has 84.17 % from 543 votes. More jokes about: life, political
There were two brothers. One was very good and tried to always live right and be helpful. His brother, on the other hand, was bad and did all the things that men should not do and didn’t care who he hurt. The bad brother died. The good brother missed him despite his ways. Finally, years later, the good brother died and went to Heaven. Everything was beautiful and wonderful there and he was very happy. One day he asked God where his brother was, as he hadn’t seen him there. God said that he was sorry but his brother lived a terrible life and went to Hell instead. The good brother then asked God if there was any way for him to see his brother. So God gave him the power of vision to see into Hell and there was his brother. He was sitting on a bench with a keg of beer under one arm and a gorgeous blonde on the other. Confused, the good brother said to God, "I am so happy that you let me into Heaven with You. It is so beautiful here and I love it. But I don’t understand, if my brother was bad enough to go to Hell, why does he have the keg of beer and a gorgeous blonde? It hardly seems like a punishment." God said unto him, "Things are not always as they seem, my son. The keg has a hole in it; the blonde does not."
Vote:
has 65.08 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: blonde, death, god, heaven, life
I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew it.
Vote:
has 81.94 % from 167 votes. More jokes about: life
Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Depends on how clumsy you are.
Vote:
has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: life, light bulb
Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
Vote:
has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, life
An alcoholic addict just returned home from a rehab and he saw crate of empty bottles sitting at the corner and he goes there grab one and smacknit to the wall and said "you made my wife leave me." Grab another one and smashes it and said "you made me get fired from work" and grab another one which was full and was about to smash it and he brushes it and said "you were not part of them and open and drink...."
Vote:
has 49.93 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, health, life, wife, work
10 Facts About You: 1. You're reading this now. 2. You're realizing that this is a stupid fact. 4. You didn't notice I skipped number 3. 5. You're checking now. 6. You're smiling. 7. You're still reading this even though it is stupid. 9. You didn't realize I skipped number 8. 10. You're checking again and smiling because you fell for it again. 11. You're enjoying this. 12. You didn't realize I said 10 facts not 12.
Vote:
has 65.94 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: life
What is height of Secrecy? Offering blank visiting cards.
Vote:
has 75.00 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: life
There is a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, ''Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there is a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!'' Herman says, ''I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!''
Vote:
has 75.95 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: life
Cletus Cletus goes to work and sees that one of his co-workers has a thermos. He asks him what it does and the fellow co-worker responds, "It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold." Cletus was amazed and when he got home immediately went out and bought one. The next day he goes to work and is proud that he has this wonderful object. The same co-worker realizes he has a thermos and says, "What do you have in it?" He says, "Soup and ice cream!"
Vote:
has 72.56 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: food, life, work