A woman wants everything from one man. A man wants one thing from all the women.
Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.
Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader." The gas pump, of course, didn’t respond. The younger alien became angry at the lack of response. The older alien said, "I’d calm down if I were you." The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response. Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump’s haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!" The older alien again warned his comrade saying, "You probably don’t want to do that! I really don’t think you should make him mad." "Rubbish," replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch. Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head. "‘What a ferocious creature!" exclaimed the young, fried alien. "He nearly killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?" The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, "If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my intergalactic travels, you don’t want to mess with a guy who can wrap his penis around himself twice and then stick it in his ear…!"
Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey And belong in a zoo. Do not worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you.
Why did the semen cross the road? Because I wore the wrong sock today.
A woman came to his doctor with a left knee that was shot through. The doctor asked her: "What does it mean? Why did you shoot accurately your left knee?" The woman tells him only: "Sorry, but, you doctor, have told me that the heart is located two thumbs under my left breast."
I've got something you can take up the chain.
Son: Dad do you remember your first blowjob? Dad: Ohhh yeah I do! Son: How did it taste? Dad: Get out.
Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.
Q: What do you call a blonde at a golf course? A: The 19th hole.
An old married couple were having s*x and the wife says, "Baby, suck my nipples!" The man dies; autopsy said, "Reason for death: Expired Milk"