Joke #5838

A woman wants everything from one man. A man wants one thing from all the women.

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

A woman came to his doctor with a left knee that was shot through. The doctor asked her: "What does it mean? Why did you shoot accurately your left knee?" The woman tells him only: "Sorry, but, you doctor, have told me that the heart is located two thumbs under my left breast."

What do your parents' car and testicles have in common? Hit either one of them and you're grounded.

How do you f*ck a fat chick? Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.

Drinking all day at a bar a man stumbles to the restroom to throw up. He doesn't make it in time and pukes all over the front of his shirt. As the drunk returned to the bar the bartender asks: "what the hell happened?" The drunk is very upset explaining to the bartender: "my wife gonna be pissed off! She just got me this shirt as an anniversary gift. Soon as she sees puke all over it, she will be shitty!" The bartender, being helpful says: "I got an idea. Why don't you put a $10 bill in the front shirt pocket and when she notices the puke you can say you drove a drunk fella home from the bar and during the drive, he got sick and puked all over the front of your new shirt?" Naturally, the guy felt bad so he gave you the $10 so you could have it cleaned. The drunk looked at the bartender a moment, thinking it over. "That's a great idea, the drunk slurs. Thank you." And the drunk left. When the drunk walked in the front door of his home there stood his wife to greet him. She hugged him and said: "oh my lord Frank, what happened to your new shirt?" He explained: "I drove a drunk fella home from the bar and he puked all over the front of my shirt, patting the pocket, and gave me $10 to get it cleaned." The wife reaches in and pulls the cash from the pocket. "But Frank," the wife says, "there is $20 here." Frank replies, "oh, I forgot to mention, he shit in my pants too."

Sometimes I wish I was a bird: I would fly over certain people and shit on their heads.

A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"

Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna go down on you.

Wanna go on an 'ate' with me? I'll give you the 'D' later.

Q: What did the seal say when found nuts in the sea? A: "Look I found deep nuts."