Joke #5888

Q: What does it look like when you microwave a baby? A: I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: disgusting

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At the scene of a terrible road accident, a guy is laying sprawled out on the road, seemingly stone dead. The rescue workers are all around him, but can do nothing to resuscitate him. Suddenly, a young woman in a short miniskirt forces her way through the crowd. "Let me at him, I can help him," she says. "What can you do?" ask the rescue people. "We've tried everything to revive him, and it's too late." "I can," says the woman. "Stand back!" And she promptly takes off her panties, and crouches with her crotch over the man's face. Suddenly, the man coughs, splutters, and sits up. "What did you do?" ask the rescue people, amazed. The woman says, "Blood Transfusion."
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has 70.02 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: death, disgusting, women
How do you unload a truck of zombie babies? With a pitchfork.
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has 27.24 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: baby, disgusting
What has 4 legs and one arm? A Doberman in a children’s playground!
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has 54.14 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
Q: How can you tell if you have an overbite? A: When you're eating p**sy and it tastes like sh*t.
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
What is the definition of revenge? A baby with a dog in its mouth.
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has 17.83 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, disgusting, dog
What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? A salad shooter.
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has 42.03 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, health
To the tune of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland": Dog tags ring, are you listening'? In the lane, snow is glistening. It's yellow, not white I've been there tonight, Marking up my winter wonderland. Smell that tree? That's my fragrance. It's a sign for wandering vagrants; "Avoid where I pee, it's my property. Marked up as my winter wonderland." In the meadow dad will build a snowman, following the classical design. Then I'll lift my leg and let it go, man, So all the world will know it's mine-mine-mine! Straight from me to the fence post, flows my natural incense boast, "Stay off of my turf, this small piece of earth, I mark it as my winter wonderland."
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has 58.86 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, dog, poems, winter
Once upon a time, there was a very happy, long-married couple who ran a small farm. They loved each other and all, there was just one problem – the guy farted incredibly, and enjoyed ripping seriously loud ones in bed especially. The wife complained for years, pleaded – in vain. "One day, you'll spill your guts out, you mark my words!" was the lady's frequent closing warning. Then one Thanksgiving morning, gutting the turkey, she had a stroke of genius. She took all the turkey's guts and went to their bedroom and quietly slipped them under the still sleeping man's covers. "That'll teach him!" she thought with satisfaction and went back to her work. At 10 the man was still nowhere to be seen – quite shocking for a farmer – and she was starting to worry when finally her husband came down – walking a little strange, wearing an even stranger expression. "You were right about the farting, Ida," he panted, "I'm ashamed to admit that I did fart my guts out. But with the help of our Lord and these two fingers, all is right again!"
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has 71.00 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: couple, disgusting, fart, Thanksgiving, time
One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, "What is that?" "They're smart pills," said the other boy. "Eat them and they'll make you smarter." So he ate them and said, "These taste like crap." "See," said the other boy, "you're getting smarter already."
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has 51.34 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting
What's grosser than gross? Two Siamese twins connected at the tongue. What's even grosser than that? When one of them throws up.
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has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: disgusting