Q: What does it look like when you microwave a baby?
A: I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
Vote:
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
Q: What happened to the Native American who drank too much tea?
A: He drowned in his own tea pe
Vote:
What's small, and red, and full of holes?
A baby on a bed of nails.
Vote:
Say, "Do I smell popcorn?" right after you fart.
So everybody takes a big whiff.
Vote:
Q: What do women and cats have in common?
A: Pussy farts.
Vote:
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey.
He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar.
Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!"
"Sorry," replied the guy.
"He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything."
The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.
Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again.
He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar.
The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar.
He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"Yeah," replies the guy.
"He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first."
Vote:
Q: What do Rodney King and Nicole Simpson have in common?
A: They just didn't listen
Vote:
Q: What did the butcher say when he backed into the meat-grinder?
A: Looks like I'm getting a little behind in my work!
Vote:
What's gross?
Farting in the bathtub.
What's grosser than that?
Catching the bubbles with your teeth.
Vote:
How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
Vote:
Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!
Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!
Vote: