Q: What does it look like when you microwave a baby?
A: I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
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Similar jokes
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How did the live baby escape from a room filled with with zombie babies?
He ate his way out.
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At the scene of a terrible road accident, a guy is laying sprawled out on the road, seemingly stone dead.
The rescue workers are all around him, but can do nothing to resuscitate him.
Suddenly, a young woman in a short miniskirt forces her way through the crowd.
"Let me at him, I can help him," she says.
"What can you do?" ask the rescue people.
"We've tried everything to revive him, and it's too late."
"I can," says the woman. "Stand back!"
And she promptly takes off her panties, and crouches with her crotch over the man's face.
Suddenly, the man coughs, splutters, and sits up.
"What did you do?" ask the rescue people, amazed.
The woman says, "Blood Transfusion."
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What’s the difference between a dead baby and an onion.
You don’t cry when you chop up a dead baby.
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Jim and Lena were driving around the countryside when they ran over a skunk.
"We better take the skunk to the vet, Lena.
Just put the skunk between your legs to keep it warm."
"But, Jim, what about the smell?"
"Don't worry, Lena. The skunk will get used to it."
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Q: What's the difference between an epyleptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with diahrrea?
A: One shucks between fits.
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Q: What is the difference between a gay guy and a fridge?
A: The fridge doesn't fart when you take out the meat.
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Q: Why is diarrhea hereditary?
A: It runs in your genes.
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One night as a bartender is closing up his bar, he hears a knock at the back door.
When he opens the door, there stands a bum who asks, "Can I have a toothpick?"
The bartender gives him a toothpick and continues cleaning up his bar.
Five minutes later, he hears another knock at the door.
Again, there stands another bum who asks, "Can I have a toothpick?"
The bartender gives him a toothpick and continues cleaning up the bar.
Five minutes later, he hears another knock at the back door.
This time, there's a bum asking for a straw.
The owner gives him a straw, but finally asks what's going on out there.
The bum replies, "Some lady threw up in the back, but all the good stuff is gone."
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Why do women always fart only when they go to the bathroom?
They have to blow dry—and there's nothing to shake.
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Some advice for guys: When the red river's flowin', take the dirt road.
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