Joke #5888

Q: What does it look like when you microwave a baby? A: I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
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has 40.39 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: disgusting

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I got home to see my two months pregnant wife crouched in the bathroom crying. Her red, smudged eyes looked at me as she told me she'd lost the baby. I told the silly thing not to be so upset, I could clearly see it in the toilet.
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has 40.67 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: baby, disgusting, wife
Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup! Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!
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has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
A couple walked into the supermarket. They looked confused, so a clerk walked up to them and asked them what they wanted. The couple asked for a couple of lottery tickets. He gave the tickets to them, and they paid for them. The husband looked confused again. He asked the clerk, “What the hell do I do with these damn things?” The clerk replied, “Well, you're supposed to scratch the box and see if you've won anything.” The wife looked disgusted. "Oh please," she muttered. "What?" asked the clerk. "Oh nothing," she answered, "it's just that, well, he's been scratching down there for years, and he ain't won a damn thing."
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, husband
Q: Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? A: Finding half a worm."
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has 55.57 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, food
What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long? A runny bunny.
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has 48.41 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: animal, chocolate, disgusting, easter, food
I see, said the blind man, peeing into the wind. It's all coming back to me now.
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has 65.57 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
Two statues, male and female, faced each other in the city park for many years. An angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire." The statues came to life and smiled at each other. They ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping. After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?" The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?" Giggling, the female statue said, "Sure, but this time, you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head!"
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has 81.81 % from 191 votes. More jokes about: animal, couple, disgusting, life, time
Q: How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose? A: Her ankles swell up when she farts.
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has 41.84 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, fart
An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a prescription of Viagra. The doctor said, “That’s no problem. How many do you want?” The man answered, “Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces.” The doctor said, “That won’t do you any good.” The elderly gentleman said, “That’s all right. I don’t need them for sex anymore as I am over 90 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t pee on my shoes.”
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has 58.98 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, old people, sex, viagra
Q: What does a plumber need to know about his job? A: Sh*t runs downhill and payday is on Friday.
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, work