Q: What does it look like when you microwave a baby?
A: I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
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What do you call a trash bag full of mutilated laboratory monkeys?
Rhesus Pieces.
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Q: What does an elephant use as tampon?
A: A sheep.
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What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A salad shooter.
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Q: What's meaner than a pit bull with herpes?
A: The guy who gave it to him.
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Malcolm: Miss Wilson can I go to the loo?
Miss Wilson: In two minutes Malcolm. Do your alphabet first.
Malcolm: Ok Miss Wilson. abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz.
Miss Wilson: Very good, Malcolm, but where's the p?
Malcolm: Miss, it's running down my leg!
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Q: What's the difference between a cook and a gay?
A: The cook stirs today's lunch, whereas the gay stirs yesterday's dinner.
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A pollock walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist if he sells condoms.
We have some for 75 cents a peace.
The man asks for two.
The pharmacist calculates the total and says, "That will be $1.58 with tax, sir."
The pollock says, "Oh, these come with tacks? I was wondering how you keep them on."
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A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.
"Mommy" she said "Can we leave now?"
"No" her mother replied.
"Well, I think I have to throw up!"
"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."
In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.
"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.
"Yes" the little girl replied.
"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?"
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy" the little girl replied, "They have a box next to the front door that says 'for the sick'."
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Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!
Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!
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What did Obi Wan say when Luke was constipated?
"Use the F-O-R-C-E Luke!"
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