Q: What does it look like when you microwave a baby? A: I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
Q: Why did the cowboy have sh*t in his mustache? A: Cuz he'd been lookin for love in all the wrong places.
What did the tampon say to the other tampon in school? I'll see you next period.
Two brunettes and a blonde are attempting to fix a roof. While they are on the roof, a herd of cattle run by and knock down the ladder and leave a big pile of poop behind. The two brunettes decide to make the blonde check how deep the poop is so they can jump down. So the blonde jumps down and yells, "It's only ankle deep." So the two brunettes jump down and scream, "What are you talking about?! It's up to our heads!" And the blonde replies, "Well, I jumped in head first."
Q: Did you hear about the annoying midget who went to a nudist colony? A: He kept getting in everyone's hair.
How can you tell if a porno was made in the 70's? The guys' schlongs have sideburns!
How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil? It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
Q: How do you recycle a condom? A: Turn it inside out and shake the f**k out of it.
What did the mother vampire say to her daughter when she picked up a tampon? "Honey, no in-between meal snacks!"
Boy Monster: Did you get the big red heart I sent you for Valentine's? Girl Monster: Yes, I did. Thank you. Boy Monster: Is it still beating?
Dan staggers into the shower. He notices that his d**k is bright orange. He feels normal, but he's concerned and goes to the doctor. After a thorough examination, the doctor says, "You seem to be fine and all of the tests are normal. Did you do anything out of the ordinary over the weekend?" Dan says, "No. All I did was stay home, watch porno movies and eat Cheetos."