Joke #5888

Q: What does it look like when you microwave a baby? A: I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
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has 40.39 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: disgusting

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A young priest is unhappy with how little money his congregation contributes every week to the collection plate. So decides to try a new tack and hypnotize them, using Father Matthews' priceless pocket watch. Thus hypnotized, they all give the five bucks he asked them too. Pumped by his success, he ups the amount to $10 the next week. Amazingly, everybody gives ten bucks each. The week after that, he decides to up it to twenty bucks, but just as he's about to announce the amount, he drops the watch. "S**t!" It took the workers two weeks to clean up the church.
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has 68.83 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: church, disgusting, money, priest
Little Red Riding Hood went to her grandma's house and found her laying in bed. Little Red Riding Hood said, "Grandma, what big eyes you have!" Grandma: "The better to see you with, my dear." Little Red Riding Hood: "Grandma, what big ears you have!" Grandma: "The better to hear you with, my dear." Little Red Riding Hood: "Grandma, what a big mouth you have!" Grandma: "Of course I do, have you seen Grandpa's d**k?!"
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has 72.39 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a prescription of Viagra. The doctor said, “That’s no problem. How many do you want?” The man answered, “Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces.” The doctor said, “That won’t do you any good.” The elderly gentleman said, “That’s all right. I don’t need them for sex anymore as I am over 90 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t pee on my shoes.”
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has 58.98 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, old people, sex, viagra
What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroke-n-off
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has 51.55 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, masturbation
If there are two people in an elevator and one of them farts everybody knows who did it.
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has 60.65 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, fart
What do you give Mikey for his 18th birthday? A 90 year old woman, because Mikey will eat anything.
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has 17.25 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: age, birthday, disgusting, women
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath. The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?" "That's my little red sports car," said the little boy. The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?" "That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl. A few seconds later the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?" "Sure," said the little boy. The little boy's mother was down stairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said. "Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
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has 61.43 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
Q: What's the similarity between a woman and dog poop? A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
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has 46.63 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: age, disgusting, women
What does Michael Jackson call a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll? Bait!
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has 24.15 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, music
Q: How do you piss off a man? A: Stand on his back and piss.
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has 43.52 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, mean, men