Joke #11592

Q: How many hipsters does it take to flush a toilet? A: You can't touch that toilet, it's art.

What do you give Mikey for his 18th birthday? A 90 year old woman, because Mikey will eat anything.

What’s funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume!

Q: Why did the hipster leave his oceanside mansion? A: It was too current.

Q: What would Princess Diana be doing if she were alive today? A: Clawing at the lid of her coffin.

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you." The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you." The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says. The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun. After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! " The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

Q: What do you get if you cross a fridge and a hipster playlist? A: Cool music!

Knock knock. Who's there? Urine. Urine who? Urine trouble if you don't open the door.

Hipsters hate rivers. Too mainstream.

Q: Why did the hipster float down the tributary? A: Because the river was too mainstream.

There were two church-going women gossiping in front of the store when a dusty old cowboy rode up. He tied up in front of the saloon, walked around behind his horse, lifted its tail and kissed the horse full on its rectum. Repulsed, one of the women asked, "That's disgusting, why did you do THAT?" To which the cowboy replied, "I've got chapped lips." Confused, the women continued, "Does that make them feel better?" "No, but it stops me from licking them!"