Q: How many hipsters does it take to flush a toilet? A: You can't touch that toilet, it's art.
Q: Why did the hipster leave his oceanside mansion? A: It was too current.
A woman walks into her doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need to lose weight fast." And the doctor says, "Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your butt." Two months later she comes in and says, "Doctor, it's a dream come true. I'm half the size I was." But the doctor notices that she is bouncing up and down up and down... and he asks, "But where did you get this twitch?" The woman replies, "I don't have a nervous twitch, I'm chewing bubble gum."
Q: Why did the hipster float down the tributary? A: Because the river was too mainstream.
Why fart and waste when you can burp and taste?
Kind of surprised hipsters haven't started tying their beard's in man buns yet.
Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: You wouldn't know, it's kind of an obscure number.
What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator? When you take sausage out of the fridge it doesn't fart.
Q: How do you get a zombie baby into a bowl? A: A blender. Q: How do you get them out? A: Doritos.
Two statues, male and female, faced each other in the city park for many years. An angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire." The statues came to life and smiled at each other. They ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping. After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?" The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?" Giggling, the female statue said, "Sure, but this time, you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head!"
Q: Why are farmers cooler than Hipsters? A: Farmers can go a day without their Pitchfork