Joke #11592

Q: How many hipsters does it take to flush a toilet? A: You can't touch that toilet, it's art.

Q: What's a good holiday tip? A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.

Q: Why are farmers cooler than Hipsters? A: Farmers can go a day without their Pitchfork

What is the sharpest thing in the world? A Fart. It goes through your pants and doesn't even leave a hole.

A guy is late to meet with his friends at the local bar the friends obviously ask why he is late and he responds: "Wow, you won't believe what just happened. So I take the usual route via the rail tracks and suddenly I see a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks." The friends are curious and ask: "Well, what happened next?" The guy says: "Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her." The friends are cheering and one friend asks: "Soo... did you get any head?" The guy says: "No, I couldn't find it..."

What's grosser than gross? When you throw your underwear and it sticks to the wall. What's grosser than that? When you come back an hour later and it's moved up three feet.

Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: You wouldn't know, it's kind of an obscure number.

Q: Why did the hipster burn his tongue? A: Because he ate his food before it was cool.

What's worse than 11 dead babies stapled to a tree? 1 dead baby stapled to 11 trees.

Q: You know what would make America great again? A: If we kept the Mexicans and deported the hipsters.

One day in the city a bus driver was making his usual stops. At the first stop a woman came to the front of the bus to get off. She turned to the bus driver and said, "I think I was just molested back there." The bus driver looked at her and said, "Not on my bus. You couldn't have been." So, he lets her off and drives on. He comes to the next stop and another woman comes to the front to get off. She, too, looks at the bus driver and says, "I think I was just molested back there." Now the bus driver thinks that something has to be wrong, to get two complaints like this in one day is just unheard of. He gets up out of his seat and goes to the back of the bus. To his surprise there is a bald guy crawling on the floor on his hands and knees. The bus driver says, "Sir, what are you doing?" The man looks at him and says, "I lost my toupee. I thought I found it twice, but I lost it again."