Joke #3380

When is the best time to bury that baby you killed? When it starts talking to you again.

Q: Why did the gay guy think his lover was cheating on him? A: He came home shit faced.

Two guys narrowly escaped from a sinking ship on a life raft and discovered a magic lamp tucked away in a dark cranny. Figuring what the hell, one of the men gave the lamp a rub and "poof," a cloud of smoke. A second later, a genie appeared and said, "I will grant each of you one wish." After thinking a while, the first man turned to the genie and said, "I wish I were floating on an ocean of beer." The genie granted the man's wish and disappeared. The man's companion turned to him and said, "Way to go idiot. Now we have to pee in the boat."

"Mommy, Mommy! Where have all your scabs gone?" "Shut up and eat your corn flakes."

I love cats – they taste just like chicken.

What is the definition of revenge? A baby with a dog in its mouth.

A demon died and was asked by god what he wanted to become in his next life. The demon said "I wish to become good in my next life. I want to be as pure and white as an angel and also have angel wings... But I still want to drink blood." So god turned him into a maxi pad.

Why do women always fart only when they go to the bathroom? They have to blow dry—and there's nothing to shake.

How do you f*ck a fat chick? Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.

Q: What compliment do you NOT want from a midget? A: Wow! Your hair smells good!

LaShaunda had just given birth to a daughter and discussed possible names with her hospital roommate, LaQoowanga. LaShwanda mentioned a name she had heard in the doctor's office, "Vagina". When the hospital personnel asked her what name to put on the birth certificate, LaShaunda said "Vagina". "You can't name your baby that!" "Don't disrespect me! I be her mama. I can names her anything I want." When the hospital person tried to explained what the name meant, LaShaunda said, "No, No! that's a cootchie!"