When is the best time to bury that baby you killed? When it starts talking to you again.
Q: How can you tell the difference between a straight rodeo and a gay rodeo? A: At a straight rodeo they yell "Ride them suckers!"
What is more disgusting than a pile of 100 dead babies? One live one in the middle is eating its way out.
Q: How is a pussy like a grapefruit? A: The best ones squirt when you eat them.
Take a squirt gun into the rest room stall next to someone and shoot little drops over the wall every couple of seconds while pretending to pee.
There was a young man from Peru Who fell asleep in a canoe He dreamt that Venus was strokin' his penis And woke with a handfull of goo
Q: What's a good holiday tip? A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
Q: What did the Lawyer say to the lesbian? A: One slip of the tongue and you will be in s**t!
"Where are you going to take Vampira on your date?" asked one vampire. "Oh, I thought we'd go to the movies, and then get a quick bite."
An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head. "Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper." "What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
Q: Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms? A: They keep falling through the holes in his hands.