When is the best time to bury that baby you killed?
When it starts talking to you again.
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Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage.
We know this beverage as Red Bull.
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Q: What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
A: Lots of room.
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Q: What did the Lawyer say to the lesbian?
A: One slip of the tongue and you will be in s**t!
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Q: What's red, sits in front of a mirror, and gets smaller and smaller?
A: A vain idiot combing his hair with a potato peeler.
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Q: What's grosser than gross?
A: Two vampires fighting over a used tampon.
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How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
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How is parsley like pubic hair?
You push it aside to eat, and sometimes it gets stuck between your teeth after meals.
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Q: Did you hear about the couple that "96ed?"
A: After they "69ed" they rolled over and sh*t in each other's hair.
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Q: Why was the condom flying through the air?
A: It got pissed off.
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One day, a guy walks out from a shop to see someone PISSING on his Ferrari.
"Hey," says the man. "Why are you pissing on my Ferrari?"
"Because I feel like it."
"Tell you what -- I won't report you to the police if you can keep up with my Ferrari."
"Whatever."
So the guy gets in his car and drives off, going faster and faster, until he's hit 100 miles per hour.
Amazingly, the guy is still keeping up.
"I'm amazed," says the driver. "How are you keeping up?"
"It's easy," says the running man, "when your d**k is stuck in the door."
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