When is the best time to bury that baby you killed?
When it starts talking to you again.
Vote:
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
Q: What is the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?
A: The taste
Vote:
What's gross?
Farting in the bathtub.
What's grosser than that?
Catching the bubbles with your teeth.
Vote:
A young priest is unhappy with how little money his congregation contributes every week to the collection plate.
So decides to try a new tack and hypnotize them, using Father Matthews' priceless pocket watch.
Thus hypnotized, they all give the five bucks he asked them too.
Pumped by his success, he ups the amount to $10 the next week.
Amazingly, everybody gives ten bucks each.
The week after that, he decides to up it to twenty bucks, but just as he's about to announce the amount, he drops the watch.
"S**t!" It took the workers two weeks to clean up the church.
Vote:
Q: What do you call a cow with no legs.
A: Ground Beef!
Vote:
Why do women always fart only when they go to the bathroom?
They have to blow dry—and there's nothing to shake.
Vote:
Q: Why is it a bad idea for two butt cheeks to get married?
A: Because they part for every little shit.
Vote:
Yo mama so damn short, she uses salt shaker as a toilet.
Vote:
A Guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play."
The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar.
The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar.
The octopus' owner pockets the fifty bucks.
The next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo.
The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus' owner.
The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm.
He puts them on the bar and says to the guy, "Now if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars."
The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, and has another look from a different angle.
Puzzled, the octopus' owner comes up and says,
"What are you pissing around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!"
The octopus says, "Play it?
If I can figure out how to get it's pajama's off, I'm gonna screw it!"
What does Michael Jackson call a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll?
Bait!
Vote:
Q: What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his boyfriend?
A: He wiped.
Vote: