A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk and he says "I hope the porn is disabled." The guy at the desk replies. "It's just regular porn you sick fuck."
How do you blindfold a Chinese person? Put floss over their eyes.
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
What is the difference between a joystick and a man's d**k? A joystick does its job.
Dad: "Who do you think the committee screwed this year?" Me: "Mom."
A woman and baby are in the doctors surgery, the doc is concerned about the babys weight, "Is he bottle fed or breast fed? The woman replies, "Breast fed." The doc gets her to strip down to her waist so he can examine her breasts. He pinches her nipples and sucks and rubs both breasts for a while ... "No wonder the baby is underweight, you have no milk." Woman replies, "I know, Im his granny ... but Im glad I came!"
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church... everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.
Q: Why was the dirty old man fired from the poultry shop? A: He couldn't keep his hands off the breasts and thighs.
My ex girlfriend has a tattoo of a shell on her inner thigh. If you put your ear up to it... you can smell the ocean.
A little boy came home from school and his homework assignment was to find out what the difference was between hypothetically and realistically,so he asked his dad. His dad said, "Well, go ask your mom if she would sleep with the mail man for $1,000,000." He went and asked and came back and said, "She said yes". "Well", said the dad, "Go ask your sister the same question." He did and came back and said, "She said yes." And the dad said, "Now go ask your brother the same thing." He did and came back and said, "He said yes too!" And the dad said, "Well hypothetically we're sitting on three million dollars, realistically we're living with 2 whores and a fag!"
Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you? A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.