Joke #889

I would kick you straight in the vagina... If I wasn't afraid of losing my shoe.

I think Bing could have totally crushed Google if they had called it "Bang". I mean, think about it.. "I BANGED Emma Watson last night."

On a pair of boxers: Caution! Contains nuts.

You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.

I told my crush at school, "If you love me, come wearing red tomorrow." The next day she came in wearing black! When she dropped her pen and she bent over to pick it up, I got a look up her skirt at her red thong. Moral of the story: she really loves me underneath it all.

I need your help making a cream sauce.

A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, and dirty Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go." The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad." "Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."

If you're feeling down, I can feel you up.

Q: Why is it jewish men won't go down on a woman? A: Too close to the gas chamber.

Q: Why shouldn't girls wear skirts in winter? A: Because their lips will get chapped!

Q: If Nuts on your chest are Chestnuts and Nuts on a wall are Walnuts. What are Nuts on your chin called? A: A Cock in the mouth!