Joke #889

I would kick you straight in the vagina... If I wasn't afraid of losing my shoe.

What did the two tampons say to eachother? Nothing , because they were both stuck up bitches.

When you are in Hospital, your friends ask: "Hey, how are you dear?" But your best friend ask: "Hey buddy, how is the nurse?"

How do you make a snooker table laugh. Put your hands in its pocket and tickle its balls.

Q: How can you spot the blind guy in a nudist colony? A: It's not hard.

What's long, hard, and shoots sticky white stuff? A penis. What were you thinking you clean minded bastard.

How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper.

Two eggs boiling in a pan. One says, "I've got a huge crack." The other replies, "Stop teasing me, I'm not f*cking hard yet."

The proprietor of an adult store steps out to run a few errands and leaves his employee in charge. A woman comes in and wants to purchase a dildo. She looks at the shelf behind the register. "How much for the white one?" "$10." "How much for the black one?" "$20." She buys the white one. A little later , another woman comes in and also wants to buy a dildo. After asking the clerk for prices, she decides on the black one. A third lady comes in for a dildo. She checks the price of the white one , the black one and asks about the plaid one. She makes her purchase and leaves.The proprietor returns and asks how things went. "Great! I sold a white one, a black one, and I got thirty buck for your thermos!"

Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.

Q: What did the blonde's mother say when she asked if she could lick the bowl? A: "Just flush it like everybody else does."