Joke #889

I would kick you straight in the vagina... If I wasn't afraid of losing my shoe.
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has 68.30 % from 191 votes. More jokes about: dirty

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A guy went to a casino and lost all 10 000$. Swearing for the situation he goes to a taxi driver and asks: I have lost all my money, please give me a ride back home for free. Fuck off, no money, no ride. The next day the guys come to casino again and this time he successfully won all the money back and 10 000$ extra. Hi goes out of the casino happily and sees five taxis, and the last car is the one, which refused to give a ride for free yesterday. He goes to the first taxi and says: Will you take me home for 100$ Sure! But when you take me there you'll have to do the blow-job as well Fuck off, man.. The guys goes to all next three cars and the story repeats. Finally he goes to the last taxi driver, who refused to help a day ago, and says: Will you take me home for 100$? Sure! Deal, but you have to pass through those other four taxi drivers very, very slowly.
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has 70.23 % from 152 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said: "That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair." the girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister: "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiled and said: "That’s nothing, mine is already eating bananas."
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has 85.39 % from 2319 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel on his penis. The bartender says to him, "You know you've got a ship's wheel on your penis?" And the pirate says, "Argh, I know. It drives me nuts."
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has 62.98 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: bar, dirty, pirate
Q: Ever had sex while camping? A: It's fucking intents.
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has 64.47 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex
Teacher: And therefore, sperm cells are made up of glucose. Student: So you're saying that sperm has sugar in it? Teacher: Technically. Yes. Student: But it doesn't even taste like that... Teacher: what? Student: what?
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has 83.14 % from 1250 votes. More jokes about: dirty, student, teacher
Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Laura?
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has 69.79 % from 105 votes. More jokes about: dirty, flirt, sex
I need your help making a cream sauce.
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has 30.77 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child. The jury asks both the man and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first. She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and apart of me." The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the man the same question. The man replies, "OK, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to me or the machine"
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has 74.84 % from 282 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: Why don't witches wear underwear? A: For a better grip on there broomstick!
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has 60.80 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: dirty
My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. So I put my hand around my kid and told him "Well son, that's because daddy isn't aroused by men."
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has 63.42 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: age, dad, dirty