Joke #5932

A black third grader goes to his mom and asks, '"Mom, I have the biggest dick in the third grade. Is that because I'm black?" And she responds, "No nigga, it's because you're nineteen!"

They were three men discussing how to make their wives to tell them if they cheated on them. The first guy says: "I go home after work at night, lie on the couch, turn on the television and ask: 'Woman you cheated on me today!' 'Who, me my husband? Could I ever do such a thing?' Pissed off as I am, I get up, put her down, punch her and in the end she can’t take it anymore and admits: 'I cheated on you with Nick…'" The secong guy says: "I do exactly the same thing. I punch her and finally she says: 'I cheated on you with Jake…'" The third guy says: "I have no problem at all. I go home, undress, put the sweat pants on, light my cigarette on, I go out to the balcony, see the neighbor spreading clothes and shout at her: 'Mary! You are a whore!' And then she starts saying: 'I’m a whore? Or your wife who sleeps with John, Mark, Peter…!'"

Yo mama so fat, when your dad tried eating your mom's pussy his head stuck in.

Q: Why was the dirty old man fired from the poultry shop? A: He couldn't keep his hands off the breasts and thighs.

Why Trick-or-Treating Is Better Than Sex: - You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. - If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again. - The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some. - You don't have to keep in touch with the person who gives you some. - 40 years from now, you'll still enjoy candy. - If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door. - It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning with pleasure. - You can do the whole neighborhood.

A married woman walks up to Santa Claus and tells him that all she wants for Christmas is for her husband to be interested in s*x. Santa then proceeds to give her a bottle of pills. He tells her to give them a try and then let him know how it's working. So she takes the pills home and puts one pill in her husband's Christmas dinner. That night, they make love for one hour. The next day, she's running around thrilled and happy. "Oh, my God. I can't believe how well that worked," she thinks to herself. That night she puts two pills in his food and that night they make love for two hours. The next day, she's even more thrilled, so she dumps all the pills in his food. Two weeks go by without any word from this woman, so Santa decides to give her a call. A little boy answers the phone. Santa says, "Little boy, is your mother home?" "No, she's...who's this?" the little boy asks. "I'm a friend of your mother's and I gave her some pills to help her out a couple of weeks ago. Maybe you know how it's going?" "That was you?!" the little boy says. "Let me tell you. Mom's dead, sister's pregnant, my ass hurts and Dad's in the attic going, 'Here kitty, kitty, kitty. "

I think I just evolved into Homo Erectus.

A crazy man jumps from the bushes and opens his coat in front of an old lady to surprise and terrify her. The granny takes a look at him and sais: "oh, dash, I´ve forgotten to buy the eggs."

Let's not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let's get to it.

Why do people say 'Grow some balls?' Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.

Daughter: Dad, this guy told me the sweetest thing ever. Me: What's that hunny? Daughter: He said I had nice bumper lights, and a nice trunk. Me: Tell that niggie if he fills up your gas tank, I'll break his exhaust pipe, ya dig?