Joke #5956

What's the best way to pick up a Jewish girl? Bring a dustpan to Auschwitz
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Knock Knock Whose there? 9/11 9/11 who? I thought you said you would never forget.
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While examining the the body of Mr. Schwartz, a mortician notices that Schwartz has the largest penis he has ever seen. "I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz," says the mortician, "But I can't send you to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity." The mortician removes the penis, places it in a jar and puts the jar in his briefcase. When he gets home, he decides to show it to his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he says, removing the jar from his briefcase. "Oh my God!" she screams, "Schwartz is dead!"
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Q: How do you make a dog go ‘miaow’? A: Freeze it in liquid nitrogen, and run it through a bandsaw…
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Q: What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your MIL? A: Sir, we were able to save her!
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I'm so broke, I don't even get excited when I find money because I'm sure I owe it to someone.
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Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?" Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."
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What do you call a black woman thats had 5 or more abortions? Crime fighter.
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What goes: "Click-is that it? Click-is that it? Click-is that it?" A blind person with a rubix cube.
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It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds. An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle.
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Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork? So you can tell which ones are still alive.
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