What's the best way to pick up a Jewish girl? Bring a dustpan to Auschwitz
A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly. Lorraine dies suddenly. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."
What's red and dances all around? A baby on a barbecue
Want to hear a clean joke? The boy took a bath with bubbles. Want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was a man.
A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken. The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."
Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion? "Ask your sister" "I don't have a..."
I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.
Q: What do the Jews hate most about the Holocaust? A: The cost.
What's the difference betwee Elton John and Princess Diana ? One's composing, the other is decomposing.
Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation? He said, "So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses."