A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man then "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
Q: Why did cow cross road? A: To find to the udder side.
Daddy to his son: I don't care if you are dating a black girl - they are all pink on the inside.
Two cannibals were having lunch. "Your wife makes a great soup," said one to the other. "Yes!" agreed the first. "But I'm going to miss her terribly."
A ship goes out to sea and crashes. 6 people (1 woman and 5 men) survive and use a safety raft to float to this deserted island. Well, after spending several weeks on the island, they all begin to get really lonely and sexually deprived. So they come to this agreement. All of the men will marry the one woman for a week. So the first man has her for one week, the second man has her for the second week, and so on. Everyone will now be getting sex and they all agree to it. This goes on for five years and everyone is happy. Each man gets sex every fifth week and the woman gets to have sex whenever she wants with a different man every week. Well, a few weeks into the fifth year, the woman dies. The first week is pretty bad, the second week is still pretty bad, the third week is getting worse, the fourth week things are just bad, real bad, and the fifth week is just awful. It’s getting so very bad that on the sixth week they buried her.
Q: What do the Jews hate most about the Holocaust? A: The cost.
Why is there always hot water at childbirth? In case of a stillbirth, soup.
Why did Beyonce sing 'to the left', 'to the left'? Because black people have no rights...
Want to hear a clean joke? The boy took a bath with bubbles. Want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was a man.
Did you hear about the Easter egg hunt for the Alzheimer's patients? They hid their own eggs!
Q: How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne? A: It's when the blind try to read your face.