A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course.
One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."
The man then "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
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A woman gave her two sons to different families for adoption.
One goes to an Egyptian family and called Amal.
The second child goes to Spain and is called Juan.
Many years later, Juan sends his mother a photo of himself.
She turns to her sister saying that she wished that she had a photo of her other son.
The sister responded "Hey, they are identical twins. If you have seen Juan, you have seen Amal."
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Q: How is spinach like anal sex?
A: Chances are if you're forced to have it as a child you are probably going to hate it as an adult.
I'm so broke, I don't even get excited when I find money because I'm sure I owe it to someone.
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I bet Rosa Parks killed it in musical chairs.
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Q: How do you fit 60,000 Jews in a minivan?
A: With a dustpan.
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Q: Hey, what's the jew doing in the ashtray?
A: Family research.
Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?
So you can tell which ones are still alive.
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Q: Why do German shower heads have 11 holes?
A: Jews have 10 fingers.
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Q: What's the difference between Auschwitz and Sarajevo?
A: At least they had gas in Auschwitz.
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Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment.
"I’m sorry," said the receptionist, “we can’t fit you in for at least two weeks."
"But I could be dead by then!"
"No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment."