Joke #4857

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man then "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

How are babies and the elderly alike? Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.

Why did the cannibal eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a balanced meal.

Q: Why aren't there more famous skeletons? A: They're a bunch of no bodies!

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall? Art.

An Arabic kid joined my football team. All he did was blow the plays.

One man enters in an ambulant and says to the doctor: Help me, please. I have a knife in my back. The doctor, looking his watch says: Now is 2:20 PM, and I work till 2, so as you can imagine I've finished for today, and I can’t help you. Be so kind and come tomorrow morning, at 8. But tomorrow morning I will be dead. You must help me now. The doctor, angrily says: I explained to you gently that I've finished my shift for today, and that I can't do nothing for you. You must pass here tomorrow. But, until tomorrow I will lose all my blood, and I will be dead. Don’t you see that I have a knife in the back. The doctor, already very angry and irritate extracts the knife from the back, and put it in the patients’ eye. Now you can go to ophthalmologist, he works till 3 PM.

Q: How do you get a Jew to win a race? A: Drop a quarter at the finish line.

What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume!

A daughter wakes up at 3 a.m. and asks her mother: "Mummy, tell me a fairy-tale." "Daddy will get back soon and he will tell both of us a fairy tale..."

Q: How do you kill an emo? A: You don't you let depression do the work.