A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man then "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
Q: Why did cow cross road? A: To find to the udder side.
Q: Why do old Jews have outhouses? A: Because their afraid of the showers.
How do you know when a baby is a dead baby? The dog plays with it more.
Q: What's the difference between morbid and black humour? A: Well, black humour is like 10 children in one rubbish bin, whereas morbid humour is like one child in 10 rubbish bins.
Q: What's the best thing about ISIS jokes? A: The execution.
"If I could be someone for one day I would be Justin Beiber and run off a cliff"
They say that if I don't support transgender rights I'm on the wrong side of history. At least I'm on the right side of the firing squad.
What do u call a black priest? Holy shit.
My wife and I have reached a decision that we do not want children. If anybody does please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, "I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday." Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?" He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"