Joke #5993

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
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has 67.68 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: life

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Q: Why is it good to have a Jewish car? A: It can stop on a dime, and pick it up for you too!
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has 51.81 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: car, jewish, life
An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy. Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell. A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face. "Holy cow! What's that smell?" "I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?" "Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."
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has 61.92 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: business, Christmas, fart, life
Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.
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has 84.07 % from 402 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, life, sex, work
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
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has 51.70 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: age, death, life, time
Man: When I bend my arm like this it hurts? Doctor: Well, stop doing it!
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: doctor, life
Yo mama so stupid that when I was drowning I yelled out to her that I needed a life saver and she said "Cherry or grape?"
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: life, stupid, Yo mama
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus she noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The young man replied, Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are coming" and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself. BUT, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident", I just lost it. "CASE DISMISSED!"
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has 86.45 % from 190 votes. More jokes about: life, travel
TV commercials now show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.
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has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: life
Chuck Norris doesn't need oxygen tanks when scuba diving. He simply sucks all the life out of the ocean to breath.
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has 57.35 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, life
Two hunters from Moscow charter a small plane to fly them to Siberia to go bear hunting. On landing, the pilot says, "Remember, this plane can only fly with two hunters, one pilot, and ONE bear." The hunters go out and return with two bears. So the pilot says, "I told you ONE bear!" But the hunters point out that the previous year, on payment of an extra 100 rubles, the pilot had let them put two bears on board. After long discussion centering on the impossibility of the thing and the disgraceful degree of inflation, the pilot takes 200 rubles and with much pushing and shoving the hunters get aboard with the two bears. After struggling into the air and fitfully flying for about two hours, the plane gives up and plummets to the earth in a snowbank. Climbing out from under the snow and the bears, the hunters ask the pilot where he thinks they are. The pilot says, "About the same place where we crashed last year."
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has 79.90 % from 223 votes. More jokes about: airplane, animal, hunting, life, travel