Joke #12181

Jesus said to John, "Come forth and receive eternal life." He came fifth and received a toaster.
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, life

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An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy. Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell. A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face. "Holy cow! What's that smell?" "I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?" "Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."
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has 66.98 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: business, Christmas, fart, life
How did Nicki Minaj know what Lil Wayne is giving her for Christmas? Lil Wayne isn't very good at wrapping.
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Christmas, life, music
The only Christmas present Chuck Norris ever gives is allowing you to live.
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, Chuck Norris, life
There once was two people Lisa and Brian They got married and had a child. The only problem was that the child was only a head, he had no arms, legs or torso. So all his life he was picked on and teased and he always wished he had a body. So when he turned 21 his dad took him to a bar and let him have his first beer ever. When he drank a whole bottle an arm popped out. When he drank more bottles more body parts popped out. After drinking many beers he finally had a whole body. As they left the bar, he was very drunk and was hit by a bus and he died. The moral of the story "Quit while you're a head."
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has 24.95 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, kids, life, marriage
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said someone may steal from it at night; so they created a night watchman, GS-4 position and hired a person for the job. Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning position and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, GS-12 and one person to do time studies, GS-1. Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Q. C. position and hired two people, one GS-9 to do the studies and one GS-11 to write the reports. Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper, GS-09, and a payroll officer, GS-11, and hired two people. Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative position and hired three people, an Admin. Officer GM-13, Assistant Admin. Officer GS-12, and a Legal Secretary GS-08. Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $280,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost." So they laid off the night watchman.
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has 83.36 % from 58 votes. More jokes about: life
Q: How did the butcher introduce his wife? A: Meet Patty.
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has 74.97 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: life
Your mamma so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas when Jusse said his first words you a hoe.
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has 34.13 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: age, Christmas, Yo mama
Chuck Norris has found what U2 are looking for.
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has 57.16 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, life, music
Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape... to play Santa Claus.
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has 60.65 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, fat, men, Santa, Thanksgiving
What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ? Cancer.
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has 20.04 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: baby, Christmas, disgusting, health