Joke #12181

Jesus said to John, "Come forth and receive eternal life." He came fifth and received a toaster.

An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy. Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell. A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face. "Holy cow! What's that smell?" "I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?" "Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."

How did Nicki Minaj know what Lil Wayne is giving her for Christmas? Lil Wayne isn't very good at wrapping.

The only Christmas present Chuck Norris ever gives is allowing you to live.

The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for 20 minutes.

"What are you doing there?" "I'm making something." "What are you making?" "A bomb." "Can I help?" "Impossible. It's a nuclear one..."

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are hiking. They hiked all day long and then, having gotten tired, unpacked and quickly retired. Holmes wakes up deep into the night, wakes Watson and says "Watson, do you see the bright stars and do you notice how clear the sky is? What can you deduce from it?" Watson yawns and tries to play the game. LWell, this clearly tells us the weather tomorrow is going to be dry and sunny." "No, my friend. It’s much simpler than that. Someone has stolen our tent."

A guy went to a whore house and asked the lady if she had a woman that could handle 16 inches. "Hmm," said the madam. "I'm not sure. Try the first door on the right." So the guy went inside, stuck it in, and immediately heard screams. "It's too big! Take it out!" So he went to the madam. "No, really. I need someone who can handle 16 inches." "Hmm," said the madam. "Try the last door." So the guy went inside, stuck it in, and had the time of his life, surprised that there was no scream at all. In fact, he heard no sounds at all. Puzzled, he finished up and pulled out. "Talk to me, baby." "Moo."

"I really don’t know girl, but I don’t believe in love at first sight!" "Why?" "Because... How can you tell if the man has a good salary at the first sight?"

To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.

Yo mama is so fat that it's still printing her picture she took during her last Christmas.