Jesus said to John, "Come forth and receive eternal life."
He came fifth and received a toaster.
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An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator.
Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart.
Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy.
Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell.
A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face.
"Holy cow! What's that smell?"
"I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?"
"Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."
How did Nicki Minaj know what Lil Wayne is giving her for Christmas?
Lil Wayne isn't very good at wrapping.
The only Christmas present Chuck Norris ever gives is allowing you to live.
Vote:
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
A school bus driver stopped the vehicle to take little George out.
The kid opened the door and saw his grandmother reaching her hands to grab him.
The driver though, to make sure that that person is really a family member, asks the kid.
"Is this really your grandmother?"
"Yes. She visits every Christmas!"
"Very good! And when she stays at he rest of the year?" the driver insists.
"At the airport!," says the kid and continues, "Whenever we feel like, we go there and we take her home..."
Four-year-old to her two-year-old sister: "Let's play Christmas. I'll be Santa Claus and you can be a present and I'll give you away."
A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights.
I showed her our top brand, but, wanting to make sure each bulb worked, she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in.
I did, and each one lit up.
"Great," she said.
I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box.
But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed.
"I don't want this box," she said abruptly. "It's been opened."
Vote:
Q. What is Snoop Dog's favorite weather?
A. Drizzle
Your moms like a christmass tree all the guys put there balls on her.