England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
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Q: What do you call two Asians playing basketball?
A: Ping-Pong
One morning, while she was making breakfast, the local fitness freak walked up to his wife, pinched her on the bum and said, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."
This was a bit over the limit, but she controlled herself and replied with silence.
Next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast.
"You know love if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bras."
That was too far over the limit.
She rolled over and grabbed him by the penis.
Maintaining a vice grip, she whispered in his ear, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the pool man, the gardener and your brother."
What does a nigress and an ice hockey player have in common?
They both change their pads after 3 periods.
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A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked up to have a talk with him.
"I've figured out your problem," he told the young southpaw.
"You always lose control at the same point in every game."
"When is that?"
"Right after the National Anthem."
So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.
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Why are baseball players in trouble with the law so often?
They always hit and run.
The way from the cabins to the ring is too long, says the boxer.
No worries, on your way back you will come back with the stretcher...
There are three men on a desert island: Genius, Smart, and Idiot.
Genius has concluded that at least one man must swim to shore and get help.
Genius volunteered himself, as he is the most likely to get remember to get help.
Genius, not being very athletic, swam halfway to safety and then drowned.
Days later, Smart finally realized Genius drowned.
Smart then decided it was his turn to swim and get help.
Idiot agreed because he didn't know what was happening.
Smart, not being very athletic, swam three quarte rs of the way to safety and drowned.
Days later, Idiot decided it must his turn to swim.
He also did not know what his goal was.
Idiot, not having very much intelligence, swam halfway to safety, felt tired, so he swam back to the island he was stranded on.
Q: How did the pirate become a boxing champion so fast?
A: Nobody was ready to take on his right hook.
While vacationing in France, Chuck Norris went out for a casual bike ride and accidentally won the Tour de France.
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