Joke #5999

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

Chuck Norris won gold for sitting in the crowd at the olympics.

Basketball is the perfect game for a black person. All you do is run, shoot and steal.

A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go." "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered. But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."

Paddy asks Murphy, 'Why do scuba divers fall off their boats backwards?" Murphy replies, "If they fell forwards they'd still be on the f*cking boat!"

Chuck Norris once bowled a 300... Without a ball... He wasn't even in a bowling ally.

Once Chuck Norris swam all the oceans for 7 days and oceans got cold.

Yo' Mama is like a hockey player, she doesn't change her pad for three periods.

I play the worlds most dangerous sport. I disagree with my wife.

A sailor and a priest were playing golf. The sailor took his first shot missed and said, "F**k, I missed." Surprised, the priest replied, "Don’t use that kind of language or god will punish you." The sailor took aim and hit his shot second shot. Again he missed and under his breath the said, "I f**k’n missed again." The priest overheard and replied, "My son, please don’t use that language or god will punish you." The sailor took his third shot and once again he couldn’t help mutter, "Oh f**k" The priest said, "That’s it god will certainly punish you." Suddenly a bolt of lightning came down and killed the priest. In the distance a deep voice said, "F**K, I Missed."

Q: How do you know when it's bedtime at Michael Jackson's house? A: The big hand touches the little one.