England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
A guy finally got tickets to the Super Bowl, but his seats were in the nosebleed section -- but he didn't care, he had always dreamed of going to the Super Bowl. So he wants to find a seat closer to where he can see better. He finds this seat toward the front and he asks the guy next to it whether anyone is sitting there. The guy replies, "No, because my wife just died." "Well," says the first man, "why didn't you just bring a friend or relative?" The guy replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
Q: What do you call a black guy who goes to college? A: A Basketball player.
Police have found the body of a man in the Thames wearing a Chelsea shirt, womens underwear, fishnet stockings, suspenders and with an extra large dildo stuck up his arse. They have removed the Chelsea shirt to save the family any embarrassment ...
The Golfer asked his Caddy, "Hey boy, do you think it is a sin to play golf on Sunday? Caddy replied, "The way you play, Sir, its a crime any day of the week!"
Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.
Peter: Why was the Olympian not able to listen to music? Matthew: Why? Peter: Because he broke the record!
Yo Momma's a bowling ball. She is round and heavy, men stick three fingers into her and push her in the gutter. Then she comes rolling back for more.
Dad shouts: "Stop watching porn, I can hear it in my room!" Son: "Dad.. I'm not watching porn, that is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!"
A teacher walks into her classroom and turns to the children and says, Today kids im going to ask you what job your daddy has! She turns to the first child and says, What job dose your daddy have tina?? She replies; he is a carpenter miss. The teacher turns to the next child and repeats the question...the child says he is the head of a multi-organic food chain. Very good indeed says miss..........she turns to the next child and says. What job does your daddy have Robert?? He replies... He's a male prostitute miss; and demands 50 quid. No,No,No your lying to me Robert i can tell! Ok then miss you got me i confess......................................... HE PLAYS RUGBY FOR ENGLAND BUT IM TO ASHAMED TO SAY!!!