Joke #5999

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
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Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
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Q: What is the difference between Cheerios and Georgia Tech? A: Cheerios belong in a bowl.
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What games do ants play with elephants? Squash!
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When Chuck Norris goes to a BBL cricket game, he doesn't watch out for the big hits from the players, the big hits watch out for him!
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How about we march into your red zone and I'll split the uprights? High five!
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Michael was watching the derby game between Manchester United and Liverpool; Old Trafford was packed and there was only one empty seat – next to Michael. ‘Who does that seat belong to?’ asked the person in the next seat. ‘My wife usually sits there.’ Michael replied. ‘But why isn’t she here?’ the neighbor persisted ‘She died.’ Said Michael in a matter-of-fact tone. ‘So why didn’t you give the ticket to one of your friends?’ ‘They’ve all gone to the funeral.’ said Michael.
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It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?" The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married." "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head. "No,” he says. “They're all at the funeral."
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Football match Romania – Russia. Romania wins and receives a telegram from Russia: “You’ve won! Stop. Congratulations! Stop. Oil! Stop. Gas! Stop...
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Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed.
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Golfer: The doctor says I can't play golf. Caddy: O! So, he too has played with you?
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